Oh Man . . . This is It People

My boss wants me to start forcing people to buy popcorn. He says that people should be buying more popcorn and if they don't then I have to make them through trickery . . . or blatant and despotic force.

Customer: Hi. I'd like a Pepsi
Me: All right. Would you like anything else?
Customer: No. That's all.
Me: You don't want some popcorn with your Pepsi?
Customer: (looking at me oddly) No. Just the Pepsi.
Me: Are you sure? Because I know you're going to come back up here in the middle of the show wanting some popcorn.
Customer: What? No! I don't want any popcorn!
Me: Yes you do!
Customer: No I don't!
Me: (throwing popcorn and shaking my fist at the sky) POPCORNNNNNNNN!

That's how it's going to be and I'm not joking.

Let's All Celebrate Wonderful ISU Ticket Guy Day

I don't feel like posting at all, but I'm doing it. Someone (you know who you are) owes me a "thank you". I want it in card form with a dollar in the card . . . and the i's dotted with smiley faces. Am I being serious you ask? Yes. Yes I am.

Anyway, for real now, I have a lot of homework to do and so I had better go eat some ice cream. It makes perfect sense in my head. Well, that's about all. I don't have any stories except we went to a football game on Saturday and that was fun. I got a hotdog and hot chocolate and (and this is really cool) the ticket guy let me get in for three dollars even though I am not an ISU student. This is how it went:
Me: Hi. I'd like one general admission please.
The Ticket Guy: Are you an ISU student?
Me: No.
The Ticket Guy: Oh. Well . . . I don't care. Today you are.

So I paid him three dollars instead of ten. I like that guy because if he had made me pay the ten dollars, I would not have been able to get my hotdog or my hot chocolate and that would have really made me cry. I am going to name October 22nd "Wonderful ISU Ticket Guy Day" in remembrance of him.

So Long

News:

- We went to Iowa for a soccer game yesterday. We got lost and missed most of the game but it was really fun. Not only are they freakin' Iowa driver's, but they don't know how to give directions either.

- I totally heckled the poo out of those Ambroe Bees. They didn't even know what was going on they were so upset. Unfortunately they still won. It was the invisible bullets.

- Jon makes really good barbecued pork.

- I make really good pancakes.

- I found out that there is a sports team called the "Hoopston Cornjerkers." If that does not make you smile, then you are obviously dead.

Holly Just Said:
- "Say the "Freeport Pretzels"! You can eat us but you can't beat us! And don't forget the Mighty Red Arrows!!

Well, that's all I can think of presently because I am tired and I have to do a lot of homework because I am not excelling in French and I always excell in French. Garrrrrr! But that's a sore subject and so I'll probably just ignore it and take the B. Yay for laziness and TV!

Red in honor of the Mighty Red Arrows

Not Cool Missy

All right, here is an embarrassing story:
- Last night Reed and his friend Luke came over for a quick visit. We were all chatting pleasantly when this conversation ensued:

Reed: Yeah it was really good.
Me: (to Luke) Yeah. You weren't there.
Luke: Where was I?
Reed: You were with Jill.
Luke: Oh yeah! (giggles)
(silence)
Me: She sounds like a whore.
(uncomfortable silence)

I am very rude sometimes and that was one of those sometimes. Wow, I feel terrible, "But why?" you ask, "Why would you say something like that?" Here is why: I have gotten on this strange kick of replying to Leslie's every statement with, "Sure. You whore." or something along those lines, and so it just kind of came out. You don't have to tell me. I know I am a bad person.

The Slow Cousin

One time at work Jon made me try and take apart a film (because sometimes he's mean) . . . while the projector was running and there were people in the theater who would become an angry mob if I screwed up and ruined their movie. Anyway, I went really slow (because I'd never done it before by myself and the last time I was in the room while it was being done it flew off the platter and went everywhere and it was a disaster, except for the funny joke about the irish nun and the penguin) and Jon said I was "the slow cousin that everyone had to be nice to at Thanksgiving" because it took me so long to take it apart.

I am not the slow cousin. Really I'm not. I am the clumsy cousin who eats all the mashed potatoes because I love mashed potatoes, but I'm not the slow cousin. My family does not have a slow cousin. All of my cousins are pretty intelligent and talented. Leslie said that she did not have any slow cousins either, so it was perfectly natural that I did not as well, and therefore the lack of a "slow cousin" in my family was not an indication that I was, indeed, the slow cousin. See, I was right all along!

Why Scary Movies Are Fun

Scary movies are fun:
1) Because they are scary
2) Because Les and I make stupid comments throughout the entire movie and sometimes we change the language to Spanish or French and then make up all the dialogue.
3) We eat popcorn and ice cream and drink coke and beer while we watch them. But not too much beer. Moderation my friends!
4) We have a heater and sometimes I pretend it is a campfire.
5) We break stuff . . . like glasses over our enemies heads'.
6) Sometimes the soundtracks are really good and we dance.
7) One time Leslie said, "I might be being posessed by the devil."
8) Sometimes Leslie braids my hair.
9) We win $300.00 in DVD rentals
10) We don't go to bed until 4:00.

Put A Gun To My Head Why Don't Ya?!

Well, so far Les and I have answered one question on our horror movie trivia sheet. Only 30 more to go!!!

Also, my newest alias is Stunt Driver McGee. I have adopted this moniker because of my uncanny ability to take corners while driving 50 mph. My sidekick is, of course, Leslie, and she laughs at my jokes. I call her "Scrappy" but she despises that name and prefers to be known as "Alejandro Merianga", so usually I call her Scrappy.

What else is new, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. First of all, I just made hot chocolate only it is Cadbury's and it is called "drinking chocolate". When I drink it I wear a hat and everybody calls me "Charles" or "Sir Charles". I also say things like "Cheerio" and "Splendid" so Leslie said to stop or she will throw the "drinking chocolate" away. Second of all, our neighbor's dog is barking. I hate that dog because it barks all the time. Sometimes I think about poisoning it, but that would be really awful so I never actually do it. Third of all, I did not go to my first class because I was too tired and fourth of all, Leslie gave me an awesome birthday gift. I was totally surprised, not even expecting it. My eyes got really big and I made excited noises I was so surprised. Fifth of all, I must apologize to Jon and Gale because I talked so much.

Well, that's everything, except that they called Leslie "Muscles" today at work. She's tough that's why.

An Ultimatum

All I'm saying is that Les and I are going to win that $300.00 in DVD rentals horror movie trivia contest, or die trying! Well, maybe not die but we're still going to try really hard!!

Two New Phrases

Les and I were watching The Amityville horror last night and we were making really clever comments (actually they were probably pretty lame . . . I mean caucasian) throughout the entire movie so that we wouldn't be scared and one of them went kind of like this:
Person 1: "Dude, what's your problem?"
Person 2: "I think I might be being posessed by the devil."

Yes, I know it doesn't make any sense, but it was really funny last night, and even though I look at it now and I realize that it is anything but . . . it will always have a place in my heart. The other new phrase is even worse than the first so I'll just skip it.

Also, Holly just did a back flip in the middle of the sentence. She was like, "And so she left and I (backflip) didn't have her phone number." She didn't stop talking or anything. It was awesome.

It's A Monday

Let's see. Absolutely nothing happened today, except that I was almost involved in a head-on collision this afternoon, and by "involved in" I mean "nearly killed by an oncoming motorist". Anyway, I was driving behind this slow moving truck filled with stones or something and little pieces of rock were flying off the truck and hitting my windshield with alarming force and I decided that I had to get around the truck because I could not take it any longer. It was a passing zone and whatever and I looked and I didn't see a car coming, so I started to pass the truck. However, it was kind of grayish blue all over today and so I did not see the grayish blue car coming towards me because it had its lights off (my car is grayish blue and I had my lights on which is probably why that guy could see me and start honking). Anyway, the car started honking and I saw it and I had to speed like a mad monkey and get around the truck so as not to cause an accident. Really there was no immediate danger, and by "immediate danger" I mean, "thankfully I wasn't killed and neither was that other dork" and for a while I felt like Steve McQueen in "Bullitt". I can't remember if that is spelled with two t's or just one, anyway, who cares.

Also, Leslie had a dream this afternoon and I know this because I was sitting in the kitchen, and she was on the couch in the living room and suddenly I heard her hyperventilating. Then I heard this rather high-pitched, sad-sounding whine. It eventually stopped and I shrugged it off. Later she told me that she dreamed people were stepping on her and she couldn't breathe and she was trying to scream and she couldn't and so that was the funny squealing noise I heard.

Wow, I had a really stupid day, except for supper, which was wonderful. Do you say supper or dinner? And what's the difference?

Whatever, I Don't Care

I feel guilty because I was the worst student in the world this week. I turned a paper in late and skipped a lot of classes and I feel like a failure. I may sound like a nerd, but I always get my papers in. I may do them the night before, or the morning of, but I ALWAYS turn them in on time. I am also slacking off a lot and spending too much time at Denny's or Maggie Miley's eating fish and chips. "What is going on?" you ask, and I must reply, "I do not know."

Some exciting news:
- I have Saturday off, and it is the first Saturday I've had off since summer, unless I specifically requested it. I am so excited. I am going to go home and watch TV . . . and eat a lot. I can hardly wait!

More exciting news:
- Beth drew me a picture of a skeleton and it is beautiful and I am going to get it framed. I love skeletons, especially dancing ones.

Well, I need to drive home and take a shower. I'm going to drive like a mad fiend. I do not know what has gotten into me, but I have taken a liking to the words "mad fiend". Also, and I don't know why, but I have taken to calling my manager "Mordecai." That is not his name. Anyway, I'm off.

Hot Diggity Frank!

Things are getting too confusing so I have decided to return to a state of cheerful oblivion. Maybe not cheerful at this exact moment because I am not in a very good mood right now. Most people have never seen me genuinely angry. You know how you would say that in French? Like this: La plupart des gens ne m'ont jamais vu vraiment fache. I had to look in my text book for that. Anyway, Les has seen me angry a few times, one of those times being the epic battle in which we fought over Craig. Actually, Les and I only fight over stupid stuff; like who has been playing Playstation the most and therefore their turn is over and it is someone else's time to play. We also fought over a cat, but I don't want to go into that because feelings are still a little bitter concerning that episode and Les, I won't say anything if you won't.

Today it was hot. It is October and it was at least 90 degrees outside. That is ridiculous and strange. Actually, this unaccountable heat could be related to my rotten mood, as hot weather (especially hot weather in October) makes me crazy.

Also, I feel like eating pancakes. My favorite pancakes are flat pancakes. They are like crepes, only better because my dad makes them and he is cool. My dad can make flat pancakes, fix my car, make a professional woodsman's fire (with his mind), wear white socks with brown loafers and green plaid pajama pants, look at mere mortals with such a look that their knees shake, and tell really funny jokes. Did I mention that he is a shark wrestler? Because he is.

Spelunking

Spelunking, if you are not aware, is the hobby of cave exploring. It is probably very exciting and interesting, but I would not know as I have never done it. There are sometimes bats in caves and bat poop is called "guano".

That is The Random Bit Of What I Know for the day.

My birthday is over and now I am just old. It makes me hate people younger than me. Also, and here is a sobering thought, I am now only 18 years away from 40. That's no good. However, someone did tell me that life starts at 30 and I can only conclude that they must have been lying or else sadly misinformed. Well, that's all for now. Except this:

1) Traever, that was not a blatant lie. It was a truthful statement as is proven by your overly-adamant protest and denial of its verity. Did ya get all that . . . with your one eye?

2) Also, I did not steal the "I invented" line from you. I don't claim to have invented it, but I did not "steal" it from you.

3) Ali, it's okay. You didn't have to get me anything period, so don't worry if the thing that you did get me is late.

4) I feel bad about the "one-eye" jab, and Traver . . . i'm sorry.