I'm Not Used to It Yet

Today's Forecast:
- Extreme lack of Ali

This is very depressing because today is Memorial Day and I am used to Ali standing next to me while we play soccer. And when I say "play soccer" what I mean is, Ali plays soccer while I run around in random circles making obnoxious comments. Anyway, instead of "playing soccer" which is fun and invigorating, I cleaned out the garage, which is gross and hard. First of all, there were spiders creeping around everywhere and they know who I am, which means that they try to stealthily (sp?) attack me. As you may or may not know, spiders are my greatest enemy and one of my worst fears. They are probably number one. Then comes zombies, urban sprawl, and murky water . . . anyway, I feel like taking a nap because I am exhausted. It sounds snotty, but I am not used to really tough, physical work. I mean I work, and I clean and everything, but I'm not used to lifting up heavy boards and other crazy stuff. I am a pansy, but not that much of a pansy.

Good Afternoon

If Holly were an animal, she would be . . . you know, I don't think that Holly would ever be an animal. She is just too . . . I'm not sure, but I don't think she would ever be an animal. She shops and talks about a lot of different things at the same time. She would be something happy and chattery with lots of pretty feathers, some kind of tropical bird maybe.

I have changed my mind and decided that now I want a pirate crew, instead of a retired-super-spy-super-hero ring. My pirate crew would include:

- Red Barney (myself) - as captain of course
- Alec - because I just can't do without him
- Les - because I can't do without her either and I need someone to read the map
- Callie - because you're supposed to keep your enemies closer, but seriously she'd make an excellent pirate
- Holly - because Holly's fun
- Ali - because Ali can do anything
- Elise - because someone has to keep me honest
- Becca - because I said so
- Tami - to plan everything
- Ashley and Sadie - to look pretty and lure in unsuspecting fools so that I can take their treasure!!!
- All The Guys - because I need some people to carry the treasure

And we're off! Now go and do my bidding!! And if I had any bidding to do it would most likely be nothing more than a pleasant errand so keep your shirt on!!

All's Quiet on the Western Front

Have you ever read that book or seen that move (in reference to the title of this bit)? If not, they're good. Anyway, last night at work I did not get fired. That's pretty much it except that my pirate monkey, Alexander de Rossey would chatter and dance in an entertaining fashion.

I Better Make this Quick

Right at this exact moment I desperately wish I were a pirate. My name would be Red Barney and I would drink rum all the time and have a monkey named Alexander de Rossey. I would wear baggy pirate pants and have a sword belt, with a sword in it. I might wear an eyepatch as well, but it would just be for looks because I have both my eyes, which is lucky because of all the dangerous swashbuckling I am currently engaged in. If you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic right there. I am not engaged in any swashbuckling at present. At present I am engaged in "being late for work".

I Guess It's Summertime

I do not like hot weather. When it's super warm out I am prone to murderous thoughts . . . and I complain a lot. Therefore it is better for my roommates and mankind in general when it is cold. I plan on moving to Iceland, but not just yet. I need to get on top of that though.

School is over. I am ecstatic but strangely, I cannot seem to find enough to do with myself and I presently spend the majority of the day doing nothing and/or playing video games. It's ridiculous! I should be wreaking scampish havoc but instead I am just lazing around and then going to work and then lazing around again and then sleeping.

I need to start a club that does stuff. We would have to meet once a day and do something . . . even if we only went for a walk. Hopefully we would be able to come up with something more exciting but I just found out yesterday that I am easily deterred and I am still feeling the effects of that depressing realization. Therefore I am not feeling particularly capable of coming up with clever and origional activities that will occupy my time. Instead I feel like getting up at noon and then eating cereal continuously until I finally decide to take a shower. After that, it's anybody's guess.

By the way, I think that Callie should name her kitten Mestophoclese. She wants to name him George. George is better than Junior though. If you ever get any kind of pet, please . . . don't name it Junior. The same goes for Blackie and Spot. It's just not right.

*Sigh*

*I can be graceful and charming, when I'm in the mood . . . I just never seem to be in that mood*

I Feel Sick

Okay, more news from work. I bet that you are tired of hearing about my work, but you'll miss it when I have been fired and I possess no more tales to relate to you. Anyway, there is this guy at work who would be a great addition to my spy-super-hero-ring. He would be a great spy, on par with Callie. First of all, he can teleport using mind powers!! Or else he walks really quietly, but I prefer to believe that he has mind-teleporting-powers. I mean, seriously, he just appears out of thin air and sometimes it's really disconcerting because what if he was there the whole time while I was doing something embarrassing (like picking my nose). All's I have to do now is ask him if he wants to join, but I bet he'll say no because everytime he's seen me, I'm doing something stupid; like running into people, or tripping over things, or bumping into stationary objects . . . and not even tricky ones like doors or countertops but large, easily avoidable things, like walls. Anyway, I don't have time to worry about things like that. I'm busy plotting the downfall of those who oppose me. Actually, that's not true. If I ever plotted someone's downfall it would go all wrong. I just know it. It would all just come back and hit me in the face . . . really hard . . . with both fists.

Derrrrr . . .

All right, Les and I watched "Gone with the Wind" and let me just say it is probably the worst movie . . . ever. I did not even like it a little . . . well . . . no. Yeah, I didn't like it at all.

Do you suddenly ever feel extremely tired for no reason at all? That's what's happening to me right now. It's the weather. When it's hot out like this, I just can't find the will power to do anything, including finish coherent thoughts. Even now I can feel my central nervous system shutting down. That reminds me, you know that part in the movie "Hannibal", when he makes that guy eat his own brains . . . that's gross.

Weird

*P.S. - This girl just sat down next to me in the computer lab . . . and she smells like pizza sauce.*

I Wave Enthusiastically (sp?)

I haven't been around in a couple days and I know you've missed me. However, I've been really busy going out of my freaking mind!!! I'm almost done with finals and yet things seem to be getting worse. First of all, this stupid woman who is in charge of internships totally screwed me over! She told me one thing, and then I did it and then she said, in a bright chirpy voice, "I'm sorry but that won't cut it anymore, you have to go do this!" And then she handed me a slip of paper that had the following written on it:

- Find the lost city of Atlantis
- Destroy a small village
- Pick up my dry-cleaning

Do you understand why I am so mad? I know you do, I don't even need to ask anymore. I mean, not only are those things absolutey impossible, but they are ridiculous as well. ARRRRRRR!!!

However, there is some good news and it is so good that it trumps all bad news, even the Armegeddon (sp?) kind. I am not losing my friend after all!! She will be staying with me from now on and I am so happy that my toes are tingling!! I am going to write a poem about it:

She was going to go away
But now she will stay
Hurray! Hurray!
Happy day!

Wasn't that great? I don't think so either, but I don't really care because I am too swathed in warm sugary (sp) joy.

Here's some news from work:

- I did something wrong again
- I ran into my manager THREE times
- I smashed my finger in the swinging door

I am going to get fired.

* Oh bi hte wai, I kan't spel wearth poo tooday. Did yu notis?*