I Cannot Believe This . . .

But I actually find myself admiring Traever's ability to get out of speeding tickets . . . you could write a book about it, like a kind of "how to" book. They are very popular. It would have to have some kind of guarantee, like if I get a speeding ticket then I get my money back, something like that, but I would probably buy it.

I am very tired. I am so tired that I am sick. It's that run-down kind of sick and I hate it. It makes me absolutely worthless. And you can all save your little jokes and comebacks for that last line because I have already thought of every single one of them and they aren't even clever so there.

Here is what I want for Christmas:
- books (but not "Blood Meridian" because I am going to buy that myself as soon as I get my next paycheck)
- Poirot movies
- maybe some clothes, or just a gift card to the mall or something
- shoes
- more books
- this antique tea pot that I found at "Gridley Antiques" (for some reason I love it with all of my heart)
- various other things

I think my favorite Christmas present was my snowboard . . . or else Band of Brothers or maybe the watch my sister gave me. I don't know.

I hope that it snows instead of raining all winter. Cold rain is hard to deal with, even for someone like me who loves cold weather. Also, the heater in my car is broken. Morning drives are not cheerful, let me tell you.

Real Short (and kind of mean too)

I just got a speeding ticket. I am so so mad. There is nothing that I can do right now. The only thing that I am capable of, at the present time, is thinking about this speeding ticket. That and the anger. What a horrible bunch of jerks. And I got it in Morton too. I suppose that doesn't matter but from now on I will think of Morton and then I'll glare at nothing in particular and say in a snarly voice, "Morrrtonnnn." I'm sure I'll get over it, someday.

Here is a list of things I hate:
- speeding tickets
- state policemen
- speed traps
- those stupid hats that the state police wear
- police cars
- overpasses
- traffic school (with all my heart)
- Tazewell County

That's all for now. I think I feel better. Huh.

Listen to This

Guess what. That cereal I bought, the Swedish cereal with the weird packaging . . . well, I don't like it at all. It has raisins in it and I hate raisins.

Work went well, except I did lots of things wrong. Like this time this weird guy called and asked for one of the partners and I was like, "May I tell ______ who's calling?" and the guy mumbled something and I asked him what the call was regarding and he mumbled something again, only this time he sounded really fishy, like maybe he was a crazy liar and I panicked and transferred the call to the wrong receptionist. Everybody was really nice though. They kept telling me that I needed to be louder when I paged people.

Enough of that.

Here is what is important:
- My mom is the one who likes to wear cheesy Christmas sweaters. She never actually does wear them, but whenever we walk by them at the mall I can see this look in her eyes and I have to gently steer her away from them. There was this one time though, when we had our family Christmas picture taken in the worst bunch of sweaters ever imagined. It's pretty embarassing.

Guess What I Just Did

Do you know what I just did? I know that you don't because you are not me and so it would be impossible for you to know what I just did, unless you saw me do it which you didn't. Anyway, I just spent quite some time emptying those tiny salt packets you get at McDonald's and other fast food places into our salt shaker. I did this because we were out of salt and so I took some (and by some I mean a lot) of those reastaurant-type salt packets from work and that's why I was emptying them into our salt shaker.

The Real Question Is:
- Why didn't I just use the little salt packets in packet form? Why did I have to dump them into the shaker in the first place? I will tell you.

We have a salt shaker . . . actually it is an entire salt and pepper shaker and sugar bowl set and anyhow, this little set of kitchen implements is adorable. The sugar bowl is in the shape of a mama bird and the salt and pepper shakers are in the shapes of baby birds. Plus they were made in Germany which is always attractive . . . the point is I really like them and I like to use them, especially when we have people over. I will nonchalantly pick up a member of the kitchen-implement-bird-family and I'll shake some salt or pepper onto whatever they (they being the guests) happen to be eating and then when they're like, "Oh! Thanks for shaking salt on this food I'm eating . . . is that an adorable bird shaped salt shaker?" I reply, "Yes. Yes it is. It was made in Germany. I have the box to prove it."

You know what? I apologize for this nonsenes. I think Im just nervous about work tomorrow, which is silly but true. I just finished reading the employee handbook and I actually started hyperventilating. Enough about that. I have to go put together a suitable office outfit.