Laying Some Smack Down

All right. It is my birthday, and I have already gotten two presents. Also, last night I worked the Ike Reilly concert and it was really fun except for the annoying guy who kept trying to ask Leslie and me out. This is how a bit of the conversation went:

- That annoying guy: "Hey, can I have your email?"
- Leslie: "No. I don't use email."
- That annoying guy: "Hey neither do I, but I really want to keep in touch with you."
- Leslie: "Well, you can't. I don't keep in touch with anyone. Not even my friends. I'm a horrible person really."

Isn't that great!! I was so proud of her. I am also proud of myself because I chased down a girl who did not pay. I didn't literally chase her down, but I did find her and tell her she had to pay. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: "Excuse me, do you have a ticket?"
Girl: "No."
Me: "Then you need to buy one." she hands me ten dollars
Girl: In a fake innocent voice "Do I need to get my hand stamped . . . so I can go in and out?"
Me: "No. I'll remember you, you stupid jerk."

I'm sorry, but it is just so rude to try and sneak into a concert when people are working their butts-to-nothing to bring the whole thing off. I was a mighty warrior laying some smack down on that girl!! Before I worked at the Castle, I was too shy to lay smack down, but thanks to Jon and Pilar, I can now lay down smack like a pro! Thanks Jon and Pilar!!

Poobah

By the way, Traever is just jealous of my superior knowledge of classic rock.

A Strange Occurence

Last night Les and I went to the rental place to see if we could rent the movie "Emma". It was probably the only time in my life that I have ever wanted to rent that particular movie . . . and they did not have it. I was a little upset and spent the better half of an hour complaining about its unaccountable absence, because, I reasoned, who would want to rent that movie, besides me? Then I decided to rent the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and we went up to the counter and discovered that I did not have my wallet and neither did Les. We laughed very hard because we spent like forty hours in the movie rental place and we left with a bottle of Coke because I happened to have $1.25 in change.

Also, I just pulled a Ben. This is what happened:
- Holly asked me why I had a bag of empty bottles sitting in our living room and I replied, "For you to wonder about, that's why." That is what is called "Pulling a Ben".


Here's a new "What _____ Just Said":
- Ali just said, "Take the umbrella and go and get your car and then come back and pick me up."
- Callie just said, "Do you wear an umbrella in the rain?"
- Les just said, "Yes, and that's the only thing I wear."

New Segment

I have decided to add a new segment to my blog and it will be called, "What ______ Just Said". I will substitue someone's name for the blank. Anyway, you may have noticed that I already do this segment and it is usually called "What Holly Just Said" but this time it is called "What Callie Just Said" and Callie just said, "And then they shot darts and arrows at me with their eyes." Fan-freaking-tabulous eh?

Okay Go . . .

I was supposed to do stuff today but I didn't because I am too lazy and I did not want to. I am sitting on the couch right now, obviously messing with my computer, but pretty soon I'm going to take a nap. I know I sound abominable, but that's okay, plus I did stuff this morning. Stuff that required brain function and communication skills, hoo-rah for education!

Much to my annoyance and general embarrassment, I am developing an affinity for movies based on Jane Austen novels. I don't know what the deal is. I'm going to have to rent some Robocop or something.

General News

My birthday is coming and I will probably panic because I just keep getting older! I hate getting older because it just keeps reminding me that, perhaps, one day I will be 80 and unable to control my bowels.

A cheerier topic:
- I finished my essay

On another note Traever is a terrible, horrible speller . . . and he is forever telling me that I love Craig Janssen (which isn't true) and so I hope his lovely wife will finally lay some smack down and when she does I hope Traever cries. Plus he eats your Rocky Road ice cream and then spits out the chocolate covered almonds and does not tell you that he spit them out until you have eaten half the pile and so you decide, "well, I've gone this far, so I might as well finish them up."

Pretty soon it will be Hallowe'en and Les and I get to go trick or treating for charity! As you all know, I am going to be a pirate for Hallowe'en. Les wants to be a flapper, which is not as cool as a pirate.

What Holly Just Said

Holly just said:
- "She's not even pretty, she just has huge hoo-ha's."

Stupid Essay

My limbs and appendages are always falling asleep, more so, I think, than the average person's. It is very annoying.

I am currently engaged in writing an essay titled, "Do I Have a Liberal Arts Education?". I did not choose the title of the essay:
1) Who cares?
2) It is a boring topic
3) I really don't know
4) I think I should write an essay on the breeding habits of penguins because I know quite a bit about that by now

Folks, just let me tell you, and I'm serious here folks . . . we are all in big trouble. I just read an article about a little device that "they" can put in your car and it analyses your driving and reports back to "them" and tells "them" what kind of driver you are! "Holy Monkey!" (that is what I said when I read the article) "Holy Monkey! We're all going to prison! Well, at least I am!" It could just be the late night paranoia, but I think I'm going to start riding a horse . . . and living in a teepee, because it's better in a lot of ways.

Ugh . . . What a Day

1) Everything went super wrong at work today. I curse the projector with a thousand curses. And (you guessed it) I will probably get fired soon.

2) I have many things to do for school tomorrow and they are all stupid and pointless and so I am going to procrastinate and then panic tomorrow afternoon when everything is due and I don't have anything done. That sounds about right. Yes, that is right because at this moment I do not want to act like a student. I want to act like Red Barney and so I will commence with a drink of rum and then who knows what all.

I feel silly propounding only two points, but there you have it.

Mad Max

Let me just say this . . . I love the Road Warrior and anything the Road Warrior wants to do is fine by me. For real.

The Rodeo

Okay. The Rodeo. First of all, I remember only half of it. The other half was spent in a dazed stupor probably wandering listlessly around the Fort Madison Hy-Vee while my friends chatted about how good the cookies looked and if they were really worth $6.00 as there were only 6 in the box and so that would be like $1.00 a cookie.

I also remember my vest, with great fondness. I love that vest, and wore it during the rodeo even though it is lined with wool and it was like 100 degrees.

I also got two holes-in-one (hole-in-ones, whatever) during mini-golf and wound up with an impressive score of 88. Everyone else was in the 50's and 60's but I did not mind, because I had my holes-in-one, and frankly, everyone else cheated.

Everyone made me feel so bad for stealing my golf ball that I gave it back, after which, Derek gave me the golf ball that he stole and I cheered up considerably.

Jonothan's mom was a good cook. And his dad said "hoop-di-la's" as in, "they were using those "hoop-di-la's" in reference to "hoola-hoops". That was awesome.

Dollar General was as warm and friendly as ever. We bought two gallons of water for a $1.25. We also almost bought ham in a can, but I put a stop to that.

I listened to Tool while silly "Josh Gracen" sang everybody else's songs. Also, I would just like to note, that to watch/participate in the concert, one has to run out to the stage which is in the middle of the rodeo corral. The rodeo corral consists of mud and doodie. Anyway, people run out there and get trampled and loose their shoes in the mud and doodie. Does that strike you as normal? Jonothan said, and I quote, "It was kind of a shock when my feet sank up to two feet in mud. I wasn't ready for that." No one ever is Jonothan, no one ever is.

Here's Another

Here's another story that has to do with work:

There is a boy at work who always asks me to fill in for him, and sometimes when I do not get very many hours at work I say to my mom, "Mom. I don't have very many hours at work." and my mom replies, "Oh, well . . . maybe Patrick will call." then I say, "Yeah. Good 'ole Patrick." and my mom says, "Good 'ole Patrick." and so Patrick is known as "Good 'Ole Patrick" at my house and will be until he dies. Then we'll call him "Good 'Ole Patrick Who Died".

That was a terrible story I know, and I apologize for it. If you would like to hear another terrible story, then you can keep going, but if not, then you better leave. Here's the other bad story:

I locked my keys in my car today. It was awful because it was just plain, naked stupidity. I slammed the car door shut before I grabbed the keys off of the passenger seat and then there they were, glinting happily up at me and laughing. Anyway, the cops unlocked my car and I had to stop myself from grabbing them and kissing them, much like an enthusiatic Italian person would. I didn't think that they would appreciate that, so instead I said "Thank you very much."

This is very embarrassing, but I love "Deadwood" and would marry it if it were a person.

Gorgeous

Also, Les went to New York City and left me here. And she will not get me anything either . . . unless it's something tied with a pink bow and poisoned.

I'm Tired and My Head Hurts

This evening I said a funny thing at the expense of my boss (although it really wasn't mean or anything) and he said "Are those smart pants hard to walk in?" and I replied "No. They're not."

Also this evening my boss said "Hey, you can stay through the 9:30 show, right?" and I said "Yes." and then he said "Good, because you're the gun." and I said "What?" and he said "You're the gun . . . I'd rather have you and not need you then not have you and need you." and I just looked at him and then he said, "And you shoot bullets."

I don't think there's anything I can say to top that.