Callie is so Short, She is the Shortest Person I Know

Callie is the coolest person in the world. Everyone should buy her a present for her birthday in order to get in her good favor. This includes you Dave.

Callie just dictated that to me, which reminds me, I would like to dictate something to someone in the near future. It just sounds cool. Leslie said that she will be my secretary and I can dictate a memo to her. Callie said that she will be my boss and that she will be mean and throw tantrums and have nervous breakdowns, but I don't think so.

This is what I think will happen in the future:
- Callie will probably be successful and debt free. She will have a budget and stick to it. This is all null and void if Callie commits murder with me, which will be, how could you doubt it, successful.
- Leslie will most likely be successful in some way, although probably not in a conventional way.
- I will probably be dead from a fiery car crash and insane genius, the car crash resulting from the insane genius.
- Carrie will still be employed.
- Alison will take control of the American economy
- JonAthan will be a male nurse.

That's all of that. I have to go do research on the burial practices, or I should say mourning practices of South American Indians. I am so excited.

Something Irregular

This is irregular, but I am going to talk about Disney movies. This is all Alison's fault.

I like Disney cartoons. I am kind of ashamed of it but there it is. My favorite Disney cartoons run thus:
The Great Mouse Detective
Robin Hood
The Rescuers (the first one, not the second)
101 Dalmations (definitely NOT the real-people one, except I was watching bits of it one time and the main guy is also Mr. Incredible in "The Fantastic Four." I thought that was quite a step up. Oh wait, that was 101 Dalmations 2 or 3, I'm not sure, but one of those cheap knock-off movies)
Beauty and the Beast
Treasure Island (the new fangled, futuristic one)
Sleeping Beauty (because of the fat blue fairy)
Cinderella

And I can't remember any other ones just now. I would say "The Little Mermaid" except it's not even the real story and when you grow up thinking that everything turns out all right and then you read the real story and find out Ariel trades her tail for legs but it feels like she's walking on pins all the time and then she dies because the prince doesn't like her and her sisters cut off all their hair because they're sad . . . well, it kind of ruins everything for you.

I would say, "Now on to something more important" except there is nothing more important to go on to. I was horribly sick all week, I did get a speeding ticket and my hairdryer did blow up in my hand shooting sparks and soot (maybe not soot, but it was black) all over my hand. This was a famously bad week.

Interesting Facts (But Not Really)

Tomorrow I have to get up at 5:30. I really think that this spells doom for me. The only thing that is worth getting up at 5:30 for happens to be snowboarding and I am not snowboarding tomorrow.

I haven't seen Leslie all day and I broke all the computers at work so I'm probably going to be fired soon, but that's okay with me.

Holly's computer talks to her. It says things like "printing started" and "printing complete" in a friendly male voice.

Other interesting facts:
- lobsters don't scream when they are boiled alive. The high pitched squeal that was once thought to be the lobster's "scream" is actually merely jets of steam issuing from the joints in the lobsters shell. Lobsters do, however, struggle to get out of the pot while they are being boiled, going so far as to hook their little claw things over the edge of the pot in an attempt to escape.
- Frankenstein is the name of the Doctor who created the monster. The monster is just called "the monster." But I bet you already knew that one.

I Hate My Neighbors (In the Most Tenderest Way Possible)

The neighbors are infuriating. It is now 12:09, so it's not that late, but I would say that it is past the appropriate hour to be playing extraordinarily loud music with the same annoying base line for three hours straight. It's times like these that I wish rash wishes, namely painful death on my neighbors. We don't even know how many people live there anyway. I only see one guy leave the place wearing real people clothes (and by real people clothes I mean jeans and some kind of socially accepted shirt). The other inhabitants are a mystery because I've seen at least three other guys walk out the door in plaid pyjama pants without shirts on, but I never see the same guy twice. Just the same pair of plaid pyjama pants. Garrrr! I wish death on them!!!

Les and I just got back from Champaign. We had lots of fun eating until we nearly threw up and watching a movie and just sitting around. Champaign is a special city because Les used to live there and I would visit her and we would do crazy stuff together. Those were the days, let me tell you. One time we drank poison and another time we stayed up really late playing Tekken and I beat this guy and he got mad and moved to Arizona. No one liked him much anyway. All kinds of great stuff that you could never fathom!

I am avoiding homework right now. I'm too tired to do it and I'm still furious at the neighbors. I think I'm going to poison their dog. That right there should tell you how much I dislike them because 1) I would normally never ever harm an animal, but I know that killing their dog would really upset them and 2) Killing their dog would really upset them. Well, on that happy note I'll be off.

The Truth About the Water Bottle

Let's get one thing straight. It wasn't my fault that Holly's water bottle got smashed into bits. Traever said, "Catch!" And then proceeded to throw the water bottle straight at the wall. It was a spur of the moment thing that ended badly. Anyway, Holly's over it and she wasn't really that mad about it in the first place. It did make for a funny story though.

I am in a rotten mood.

Here, listen to this. I am sitting next to Holly on the couch. She picked up a small, orange make-up bag lying next to her and said to Leslie, "Do you want this? Leah gave it to me, but I don't need it." Leslie looked at it and said, "What is that? Tye-dye? That's not really my style. Besides, I already have one." Holly then kind of glanced over at me and said, "Oh well. Maybe Jenn will want it." That is not why I am in a rotten mood but I am relating this incident as further proof of my roommates' total and complete hatred of me.

Leslie just said the word, "tits." Write it down folks because I couldn't believe it either.

Anyway, onto more profound and enlightening topics . . . what am I saying? There is never anything profound or enlightening said here. I had better get busy doing something productive because my rotten mood is making me think irrational and angry thoughts, which could lead to trouble.

6:15 AM

I have to get up very early tomorrow. There is nothing that I dread more than getting up early for school. I hate it . . . hate it hate it hate it. I don't know how I'm going to make it through a respectable job. I guess I'm going to have to go to Plan B, the whole moving to Colorado and working at a ski resort and snowboarding all day plan. That Plan B. Either that or become a jewel thief in Italy.

- If I become a jewel thief, Leslie will be my sidekick. We will wear nice, respectable suits and then we will rob jewelry stores in an artful manner and then we will go to the beach and the Italian Riviera and maybe gamble a little bit and then we'll eat some dinner. Callie can come along too, but she'll have to wait in the car.

I also wouldn't mind going to London and living on the Underground. I would wear trendy red shoes and denim and smoke cigarettes constantly.

Anyway, those are the things that I would do in lieu of living respectably all because of getting up early. Not really, my parents wouldn't like that . . . and I would probably feel guilty too.

Short Term

I took some time away from my blog. It was kind of like a hiatus from the demands of thinking of enormously interesting things to say. That's all sarcasm if you couldn't tell. I was just lazy and I didn't want to write in my blog. I was working a lot and I was always tired, so I ignored my little friend, Junie, here and did other stuff. Besides, nothing I say is particularly interesting.

That's new, in case you didn't notice . . . the "Junie" thing. I have decided to name my blog "Junie." Number one because I hate saying the word "blog." Number two I hate typing the word "blog" and number three, I think the name "Junie" is perfect.

I like having food. Do you know how depressing it is to open the pantry and find that all you have to eat is stale cookies? It's not as depressing as opening your pantry and finding out there's a drought and the cow or goat just died and dad is unemployed and the only thing to do is walk across a desert to another country with the hope that they have some food and an economy . . . .

Enough of that. I am going to go home and make trouble. The real problem here is that I just found someone that I do not like. I do not like them because they are stupid. They are stupid because they are completely oblivious to the consequences of their actions. I'm sure I fall into the category sometimes too, but this person does it so blatantly and with one of those smiles that they're so sure will make you feel better. That was the anger talking. I'm sure I'll get over it in a minute. By the way, Junie is short for Junius.