See How Long it Takes You To Say it

Holly just said, "That's why I like Enrique [Iglesies], he's straightforward."

Not Too Bad

School went well today. I spaced out during my 9:30 and Beth and I wreaked havoc in our Fiction class. We were allowed to behave so foolishly:
1) Because Val loves us (as we are her only interns)
2) It actually was an entertaining dialogue and it did have a point, even if it was so delicately subtle as to be near unintelligible

I am so hungry that I do not want to take the five steps to the kitchen to look for food. It is all because of that cursed (and I pronounced it in my head curs-ed) journal which I hate with all my being.

Also, I feel worthless because I am broke and at the same time I resolve to stop worrying about material things. What a delightful contradiction, which will, in all liklihood, result in my incarceration in a mental institution!

On another note Jenn is a gem because she just killed a spider for me. Leslie on the other hand was "not able to get up" and she said "don't worry, if it gets on the carpet before Jenn gets down here, I'll kill it". She is secretly plotting my death. I can see it in her eyes. Sometimes when she thinks I am sleeping she stands over my bed and glares down at me. Oh, wait . . . that's Callie. Leslie just thinks I'm stupid.

You Can Stop Holding Your Breath (If You Were in the First Place)

Before I finish the story of "My Adventures in Wisconsin" I have to tell the story of Callie's book.

The Story of Callie's Book:

- The title of the book was "Who Took My Cheese? An Adventure in Practical Problem Solving".
- The book (according to Callie) was about little people and mice and when I asked her, "Little people as in midgets?" she replied, "No, little people . . . as big as mice . . . and mice too."
- Apparently the "little people as big as mice" were in a maze with the mice and one day the cheese was missing and so the little people and the mice had to go outside the maze and find the cheese . . . and the mice were smarter than the little people.
- But best of all, Callie didn't even buy the book (she was supposed to, for a class) she read it in the bookstore and then left.

All right, here's the rest of "My Adventures in Wisconsin" starting with "Why We Used the Men's Bathroom at Lunkers":

First of all, Lunkers isn't Lunkers, it's Romers. Romers is a bar in Wisconsin. Anyway, we went into the women's bathroom at Romers and found that it was very dirty. We decided to go into the men's bathroom because no one was in there (we checked by yelling "hello" a couple times) to see what it was like, and we found that it was very clean. So we used the clean one. It's a boring story and I'm sorry I disappointed you but . . . we also went to "The Bear's Den" which is a gas station that used to sell odd trinkets but now sells only copious amounts of alcohol and has a dead Black Bear in a glass case and there is also ice cream. We also:
- Went fishing
- Ate a bunch of french fries
and . . .
- Went to the Fort and almost got in trouble because we did not have visitor passes (I was against the whole trespassing thing but I was out-voted three to one)

Well, that's pretty much everything except for the drive home and that was extremely uneventful except for the time we got horribly lost and then had to deal with malignant road construction that wanted us dead. The End.

Because She Was Whining

Callie's pirate name is Grubby Jack

My Adventures in Wisconsin

I was in Wisconsin for the weekend and gee was it fun!! I go to Wisconsin, and when I say "Wisconsin" I mean the north woods Wisconsin where there are like four houses and eighteen bars and a million people riding ATV's and then getting drunk and crashing into telephone poles . . . seriously, everytime we go up we'll ask where good ole Barney or good ole Sam or good ole Joe is and somebody will be like, "Oh, Barney died last winter when he ran his snowmobile into an angry black bear. Anyway, I go to Wisconsin to visit my Oma because she lives up there in the summer, because besides being full of beautiful woods and lakes, Wisconsin is also much cooler (temperature-wise) than Illinois and she likes that.

The weekend started off with the much anticipated eight hour drive, which culminated with "getting lost in the north woods at 3:00 in the morning" which, if you've ever done that before then you'll know, is a lot of fun. First of all, there is only one road in the north woods and it is a magic road because it takes you exactly where you do not want to go, several times!! Finally we got to Oma's, but because I drove most of the way I was in a dull stupor the next day and unable to experience things in reality including Pat's coffee, which is excellent. Then there was Sunday and that holy day of rest was mostly spent in keeping the peace between my Oma and my sister. As my sister isn't too worried about getting to church on time, and my Oma is, there was some friction and bitterness and I was busy trying to explain away rude remarks and listening to each of them complain about the other.

Well, the conclusion to "My Adventures in Wisconsin" will have to wait because I have to show Leslie something, but don't worry, next time will be . . . "Why We Used the Men's Bathroom at Lunkers." Can you stand the suspense!!?

A Sad Story

The only thing I wanted was a Toastie . . . and I did not get one. That is the beginning of the story and it's the end too, because then we went to Denny's and I got something that was much less than a Toastie. If you have never had a Toastie I will quickly describe it for you:
- It is a magic sandwich straight from heaven . . . and it is wonderful

Just right now I looked at Les and she said, "She's gargling with salt water" which was the exact answer to the question I did not say out loud. That is how good she is.

In revenge for not getting my Toastie, I am going to eat more candy and ice cream than is necessary.

Also, I hate back to school weekend because traffic is terrible and there are a hundred million people who are stupid and walk in front of my car all over the place. Everything is crowded with laughing, rambunctious youngsters and their happy, confident behaviour annoys me and makes me angry. I guess it all means that I am turning into an old woman because I just said "youngsters".

This is not a good story (unlike my Toastie story, which was a riveting, human interest piece) but I love honey mustard sauce, and I would eat bark dipped in it.

Say Hello to Drunkard Bloody Larry

Since Leslie is the first mate of my pirate ship, she should have an appropriate pirate name. Therefore, I think I shall call her . . . Drunkard Bloody Larry aka Black-Hearted Larry aka Tuesday Larry. She's pretty wily so she has a few names.

On to other business:
- I have not reached finacial security, unlike some of my contemporaries. I regard them with disdain which disguises my extreme jealousy.

- I owe Rich an alcoholic beverage, and so does Drunkard Bloody Larry (and if you were paying attention, you know that means Les).

- Ali is getting home tonight!

- A guy in some Asian country died after playing 50 straight hours of video games, and I am not lying.

- Les just told a NOT FUNNY joke.

Michigan

Well . . . I was gone for a while. I was off having adventures in Michigan with Les. It was fun. We got to see Holly and her giant labrynth of a house. I am not kidding folks, I mean there are doors in that house that lead to other dimensions. We also got to see the "musical fountain" which was truly an event because the "musical fountain" is the world's largest "musical fountain" and it has a unique and humorous "personality". That means that the fountain introduces itself before the show and asks for monetary donations that will aid in it's up-keep which makes it a very practical fountain as well.

I was very polite and pleasant all weekend and I am absolutely exhausted. It is very tiring, being pleasant. Also we drove a lot and I hate traffic . . . and there was a lot of that, so sometimes I said things like "silly stupid motorist" outloud, while really I was saying something completely different in my head. But that's not important. What is important is how much cookie dough I ate this evening, which turns out to be a lot. I ate so much that I could not look at it any longer and when my mom asked me if I wanted to eat the rest of it, I said, "no" and felt like I would never like to eat cookie dough ever again in my life, which is tragic.

Another tragedy is that I dripped chocolate ice cream all over my favorite blue t-shirt.

P.S. I would just like to say that out of all of Callie's kitties, David's is my favorite. It's name is either "Dutch" or "Blitz", which is ridiculous because, 1) those are not respectable names, and 2) who would bother to remember which cat belonged to which name as those are silly names (hence my inability to recall it's name) and 3) Tiglash Pilesar is much better than either "Dutch" or "Blitz" and that's what it should have been called but it wasn't and so it is named something silly.

Absolutely Wonderful

I am so very absolutely excited because Ali will be home soon !!! Sometimes I squeeze my eyes shut and make a high pitched squealing noise. That is how excited I am. Here are some reasons for my state of euphoria due to Ali's impending return:

- Ali will be back (well duh)
- the rodeo
- snowboarding
- speedjazzer reunion
- random things like milkshakes (I don't think I spelled that right)
- the superbowl

Those are just a few of the reasons. There are more, however I think that right now I would like to talk about being able to light things on fire with my mind. That would be awesome. The first thing I would light on fire would be some urban sprawl.

I suppose I should go take a shower because right now I smell like melted butter and that is never good.