The Po-lice

All right, here is the story as to why po-pos are such doodies.

First of all, I was coming home from a film, and a rather good one at that, and what do I see behind me but flashing red and blue lights. "Drat!" I say and I pull over. It then takes the po-po three hundred hours to walk over to my car, all the while his unbelieveably (sp?) bright and rude light is shining directly into my eyes. Anyway, he walks up to my window and knocks on it and I have to open my door because the window is broken and then he says to me, "Do you know your liscense plate light is out?" and of course I say, "No. I didn't" and I'm thinking, "Oh, thank goodness he pulled me over for that because there's just no way I would have made it home safely with my liscense plate light out!". He then proceeds to ask me for my driver's liscense and insurance card. I give him my liscense and open the glove compartment to get out my insurance card and guess what the glove compartment is stuffed with . . . no you guessed wrong . . . it is stuffed with tampons, and not just one or two, like thirteen hundred million, I mean so many that they actually fall out onto the floor of my car. I finally find my insurance card and shove it at him and then he tells me to wait there (like I'm planning on leaving) while he checks out my liscense. It takes him about four days and then he comes back, hands me my liscense as well as a warning, and tells me to "drive safely". I felt like screaming. But I didn't. I smiled and said thanks and drove away.

Number One:
- He pulled me over for that!!!?

Number Two:
- I was extremely low on gas and I sat there with my car running while he took forever to check my liscense, because I wasn't sure if he'd try and shoot me if I turned my engine off (seriously, you never know).

Number Three:
- Anyone can tell that my car does not idle well. It sputters and coughs like an orphan with black plague and anyone with an ounce of courtesy would have done their best to make sure that poor Lucy Petunia didn't have to suffer more than was necessary by going about the whole thing as quickly as possible. Apparently that po-po did not have even an ounce of courtesy.

Number Four:
- When he first walked up to my car he walked up on the driver's side. The second time he walked up on the passenger's side, like he was trying to be sneaky or something. That really pissed me off.

There are several other points I would like to make, but I can't, I am too tired. And I am going to eat some ice cream now and while I do that I am going to say to myself, "stupid doodie-head po-po." and then I will laugh because I was not wearing my seat belt.

I Like Cinnamon Applesauce

Well, things have improved slightly . . . but only slightly. For one thing I woke up and had cinnamon applesauce, which was great. Other than that, nothing spectacular has occured.

I think that perhaps I should become a hermit and move to Iceland and raise goats. That is the only thing I would be good at because I would be a hermit and no one would care about how I raised my goats.

I am going to see Holly soon and that cheers me up a bit because Holly is very funny and she makes me laugh a lot. If Holly were a boy she would be Alec only less sarcastic and more sociable. Also to see Holly soon, one has to go through the mythical land of IKIA, which could be fun because in IKIA the furniture is named Isildorf and Kunigar and the like. I think that's great . . . just like the applesauce.

I am very partial to green at the moment, but I'm sure that it will pass.

It Was a Horror Show

As of right this second I have not been fired . . . but I am sure I will be shortly.

Also, the only thing that could make this day better is a speeding ticket. That is how great everything has been going.

I'm thinking of moving to Iceland immediately.

Kate is a Clever Little Beast

Well, I have no exciting news. Kate (the clever little beast) took her computer home and so I have to travel many miles to find/use one. Anyway, everybody is home and now I am desperately wishing that they were all gone again. Ha ha! That is a lie. I do not wish that at all. Besides, now Les has a job and I never, EVER see her anyway. She has been drawn into the barbed net of the corporate world and she will probably never return . . . or she will return with a pretentious, extended vocabulary and a frighteningly sophisticated cell phone. Actually, that is all a lie too. She hasn't been drawn into the labrynth (sp?) of the corporate world, she has been drawn into the world of Pier One and she will most definately return . . . with pleasant home accessories.

I have to get a computer. There is nothing for it. However, the bad news is . . . I am extremely stupid when it comes to computers and everyone I talk to is so wonderfully unhelpful that it's almost a phenomenon. It's my own fault. I should have paid attention to the technology in my youth but I was too busy watching TV and now it has passed me by and I have no chance of ever catching up. Besides, I mistrust technology (thanks to Ray Bradbury and Isaac Asimov) and the best defense is ignorance!!! Anyway, seriously now, technology and I are on good terms. It knows how I am and that I feast on the flesh of my enemies!! That is a lie. I don't feast on the flesh of my enemies. I think that's a little gross. Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about, so you should probably just ignore everything I said.