I Am Soooo Hungry!

I'm going to go eat some food and not gain 100 pounds. I've only had coffee today because I had to get up at six and grade papers and so I did that and then I went and taught class and I was soooo giddy from all the coffee that we only talked about things like Arnold Schwartzenegger (I don't know how to spell that) and steroids and then I let the students out early and now I'm doing this.

I'm so excited though, because I finally finished grading papers and now I can go home and watch Arrested Development and not do anything school related! Maybe that's what makes all of this worth it . . . the times when you finally don't have to grade papers. Until the next time, but I don't want to think about that.

This guy just walked by and he was saying, "Dude, your teammates totally tried to stab you in the back, man!" It took me about five, literally five, minutes to type that because I'm so hungry and my fingers aren't working right and I had to go back and fix the millions of little typos I made.

I wish I had something interesting to say, but I don't. Nothing at all. But I feel interesting. I think it's because I am soooo tired and sooo hungry and I've had sooo much coffee. I think my stomach is starting to eat itself.

I have this stupid habit where I twirl my hair around my fingers while I read. I just read over this to see if I missed any glaring typos and I caught myself doing it. Boo on me. I think I'll probably go to Taco Bell.

P.S.

P.S. I don't think I'm going to gain 100 pounds just to amuse some weirdos.

P.P.S. Do you know what show is really funny? Arrested Development, that's what.

It's Saturday

It's Saturday and I'm in the "office." The office consists of about twelve little cubicle things with desks and file cabinets and the like. It's an odd place and instead of getting anything done we ("we" being my "officemates" and I) sit around and look up videos on youtube.

I'm supposed to be grading papers but I need to ease into it. Otherwise the shock might kill me. This is kind of weird, but when it comes to getting into lakes and/or other cold bodies of water I do just the opposite: I jump right in and get it over with as soon as possible.

Well, I'm going to go start. I've put it off long enough.

No one cares about this, but I miss my friend Val.

P.S. I didn't wake up early this morning to go jogging. Boo on me.

P.P.S. Did you know that you can get sixty dollars a week for donating plasma? Because you can.

The Athens Lunatic Asylum . . .

Nice name, right? Anyway, this is an older picture of the place . . .

Guess What I Just Did: Part 2

I just wrote a paper titled, "Female Representations and Significance to Southern Culture in Faulkner's 'As I Lay Dying' and 'Light in August'." Totally lame.

Well that's about it. I was going to go running today but instead I came home and fell asleep for two hours and then wrote that stupid paper. I'm going to run tomorrow morning. I always say that but I never do . . . I just can't get up early. I usually run at night. One time I went at 11:00 pm and that was pretty nice because no one was around to hear me breath really loudly.

Also, I run around an old, abandoned insane asylum which was built in the early 1800's. It's pretty neat. I think you can look it up on Wikipedia and see a picture of it. Anyway, it's a cool building. Way cooler than the insane asylum in Bartonville, or wherever.

You know, I just read that paragraph up there and I realized it sounds like I run around inside an old abandoned insane asylum . . . I don't do that . . . I run around the outside of it. Perimeter. I like to say perimeter because it makes me feel like maybe I'm in a movie, like Aliens or something, because everybody in that movie is constantly saying, "Check the perimeter." Alien and Aliens are such great movies. The third one is okay and the fourth isn't even part of the canon in my opinion. Another great movie is John Carpenter's The Thing. Those are maybe some of the best alien/horror movies ever. In fact this is how it goes:

- Alien trilogy (ignoring the fourth installment) = #1 (but only because there are three of them)
- John Carpenter's The Thing = #2
- Bladerunner = #3

You know, I can't think of any other alien movies that I really like . . . I don't know what's wrong with me but anyway, I just included Bladerunner because it's sci-fi and I like it.

Ughhhh, well I'd better go to sleep so I can get up early and go running . . .

P.S. I'm not going to get up early. Probably.

This Past Weekend (was such a bummer)

This past weekend was pretty lame and I'll tell you why: because I had to grade essays.

I dislike grading essays and I'm a talented procrastinator so I always end up having to do about ten of them in one night and it's absolutely torturous. Actually, it's not that bad. Sometimes it's okay. Plus I like taking breaks in between papers to play Playstation. That's why it takes me so long to go over the papers. Also, I constantly worry that I'm going to hurt some student's feelings because I've told them they don't have a discernible thesis. This paragraph is not cohesive . . . that's what I would tell myself if myself was a student. But I'm a teacher and so I can do whatever I want. I like that part.

I'm going to go snowboarding by myself I think, because no one here snowboards and I really, really want to go. I'm kind of excited because I'm going to be all grown-up and brave.

Ughhhhh. It's late and I'm supposed to be getting things ready for teaching tomorrow. But I'm not. And I'm not going to! I'm going to wing it. Sometimes that doesn't work at all, but I have a "feeling." This feeling tells me that I don't care if winging it doesn't work.

P.S. I bought Mortal Kombat for my Playstation 2, because all of the PS2 games are really cheap now, but anyway, did you know that you can make your own fighter!? It is so neat! You can pick the hairstyle and eye color and all kinds of outfits!! I love it! I'm shouting in my head, that's how much I love it!
P.P.S. I'm also watching The Goonies right now. Does anybody remember that movie? Because it's so great.

Ohio = Worst State Ever

I'm in Ohio.

I'm in Ohio and also I can't sleep. It's because I just drove here from home and it's seven hours from there to here and I drink a substantial amount of coffee to help me stay awake. That's why I'm not sleeping. I'm not even making an attempt at sleep. Instead I'm doing this and eating popcorn.

A car just drove by and it was so loud. The cars here are loud because this is hill country and the hill country people drive their effing loud cars just as often as they wear trucker hats to Wal-Mart. Which is every second.

Really I'm just mad and that's why I said those mean things. This is hill country, but the hill country people are just like you and me except dirtier.

Ha! That was another joke. And it was mean. I won't do that again. It's just because of the cars. Really I think it's just one car and some jerk drives it past my house every night at 1:00 AM. One time though I woke up at 3:33 because somebody was driving past my house in a travesty of noise and bother. It was so loud . . . I can't even explain how loud it was, and even if I could you probably wouldn't be able to comprehend the magnitude of it, just because it was and is beyond the ability and decency of normal human beings.

Also, I live on the third floor of my house and so you'd think the percussive quality of sound would decrease as it travels away and upwards . . . you'd think that and you'd be wrong because in Ohio sound defeats the principles of physics and all the other sciences and increases in volume as it expands and travels.

I'm finally feeling tired. It's because of all the big words which, by the way, I threw in without really considering their true definitions. And my investigation into the principles of sound is so totally made up. Whatever.

Listen Here Now

I am so tired. Tired and I are fighters in a boxing match and we're both so exhausted that we're doing that thing where boxers just kind of bear hug each other and randomly punch without causing any damage. Also it's deathly cold here, here being work and not the Arctic, which is what it feels like. Seriously, it's so cold my hands are aching. But it helps me not fall asleep so that's nice.

I'm also hungry but instead of food I'm going to go get the strongest coffee I can find and I'm going to drink it all at once. And then I'll probably cry because my throat is burned. You should never drink hot coffee all at once children and that's why I am going to get iced coffee and so really I was joking about the throat burning and the crying. Besides I never cry. I'm too tough.

I don't have any stories or topics of interest. I do have a dirty joke though. Just everybody go hide because I'm going to go ahead and tell it. Here it is . . .

Men are like hardwood floors . . . lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.

Leslie knows that one because I told it to her.

Oh gosh I feel like I could sleep for a couple days and then go camping. All right, I suppose I'd better get back to work. Several things are happening at once and as I can only concentrate on sparkles and gypsy bangles right now I'd better stop and make an attempt to focus on accounting related things. That's totally lame and I'm not really going to do it, but I'd better go anyway.