Things That Happen

I Am Soooo Hungry!

2008-02-20T15:03:00.001-08:00

I'm going to go eat some food and not gain 100 pounds. I've only had coffee today because I had to get up at six and grade papers and so I did that and then I went and taught class and I was soooo giddy from all the coffee that we only talked about things like Arnold Schwartzenegger (I don't know how to spell that) and steroids and then I let the students out early and now I'm doing this.

I'm so excited though, because I finally finished grading papers and now I can go home and watch Arrested Development and not do anything school related! Maybe that's what makes all of this worth it . . . the times when you finally don't have to grade papers. Until the next time, but I don't want to think about that.

This guy just walked by and he was saying, "Dude, your teammates totally tried to stab you in the back, man!" It took me about five, literally five, minutes to type that because I'm so hungry and my fingers aren't working right and I had to go back and fix the millions of little typos I made.

I wish I had something interesting to say, but I don't. Nothing at all. But I feel interesting. I think it's because I am soooo tired and sooo hungry and I've had sooo much coffee. I think my stomach is starting to eat itself.

I have this stupid habit where I twirl my hair around my fingers while I read. I just read over this to see if I missed any glaring typos and I caught myself doing it. Boo on me. I think I'll probably go to Taco Bell.

P.S.

2008-02-16T19:07:00.000-08:00

P.S. I don't think I'm going to gain 100 pounds just to amuse some weirdos.

P.P.S. Do you know what show is really funny? Arrested Development, that's what.

It's Saturday

2008-02-16T14:05:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday and I'm in the "office." The office consists of about twelve little cubicle things with desks and file cabinets and the like. It's an odd place and instead of getting anything done we ("we" being my "officemates" and I) sit around and look up videos on youtube.

I'm supposed to be grading papers but I need to ease into it. Otherwise the shock might kill me. This is kind of weird, but when it comes to getting into lakes and/or other cold bodies of water I do just the opposite: I jump right in and get it over with as soon as possible.

Well, I'm going to go start. I've put it off long enough.

2008-02-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

No one cares about this, but I miss my friend Val.

P.S. I didn't wake up early this morning to go jogging. Boo on me.

P.P.S. Did you know that you can get sixty dollars a week for donating plasma? Because you can.

The Athens Lunatic Asylum . . .

2008-02-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

Nice name, right? Anyway, this is an older picture of the place . . .

Guess What I Just Did: Part 2

2008-02-11T22:12:00.000-08:00

I just wrote a paper titled, "Female Representations and Significance to Southern Culture in Faulkner's 'As I Lay Dying' and 'Light in August'." Totally lame.

Well that's about it. I was going to go running today but instead I came home and fell asleep for two hours and then wrote that stupid paper. I'm going to run tomorrow morning. I always say that but I never do . . . I just can't get up early. I usually run at night. One time I went at 11:00 pm and that was pretty nice because no one was around to hear me breath really loudly.

Also, I run around an old, abandoned insane asylum which was built in the early 1800's. It's pretty neat. I think you can look it up on Wikipedia and see a picture of it. Anyway, it's a cool building. Way cooler than the insane asylum in Bartonville, or wherever.

You know, I just read that paragraph up there and I realized it sounds like I run around inside an old abandoned insane asylum . . . I don't do that . . . I run around the outside of it. Perimeter. I like to say perimeter because it makes me feel like maybe I'm in a movie, like Aliens or something, because everybody in that movie is constantly saying, "Check the perimeter." Alien and Aliens are such great movies. The third one is okay and the fourth isn't even part of the canon in my opinion. Another great movie is John Carpenter's The Thing. Those are maybe some of the best alien/horror movies ever. In fact this is how it goes:

- Alien trilogy (ignoring the fourth installment) = #1 (but only because there are three of them)
- John Carpenter's The Thing = #2
- Bladerunner = #3

You know, I can't think of any other alien movies that I really like . . . I don't know what's wrong with me but anyway, I just included Bladerunner because it's sci-fi and I like it.

Ughhhh, well I'd better go to sleep so I can get up early and go running . . .

P.S. I'm not going to get up early. Probably.

This Past Weekend (was such a bummer)

2008-01-29T21:50:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was pretty lame and I'll tell you why: because I had to grade essays.

I dislike grading essays and I'm a talented procrastinator so I always end up having to do about ten of them in one night and it's absolutely torturous. Actually, it's not that bad. Sometimes it's okay. Plus I like taking breaks in between papers to play Playstation. That's why it takes me so long to go over the papers. Also, I constantly worry that I'm going to hurt some student's feelings because I've told them they don't have a discernible thesis. This paragraph is not cohesive . . . that's what I would tell myself if myself was a student. But I'm a teacher and so I can do whatever I want. I like that part.

I'm going to go snowboarding by myself I think, because no one here snowboards and I really, really want to go. I'm kind of excited because I'm going to be all grown-up and brave.

Ughhhhh. It's late and I'm supposed to be getting things ready for teaching tomorrow. But I'm not. And I'm not going to! I'm going to wing it. Sometimes that doesn't work at all, but I have a "feeling." This feeling tells me that I don't care if winging it doesn't work.

P.S. I bought Mortal Kombat for my Playstation 2, because all of the PS2 games are really cheap now, but anyway, did you know that you can make your own fighter!? It is so neat! You can pick the hairstyle and eye color and all kinds of outfits!! I love it! I'm shouting in my head, that's how much I love it!
P.P.S. I'm also watching The Goonies right now. Does anybody remember that movie? Because it's so great.

Ohio = Worst State Ever

2008-01-21T22:09:00.000-08:00

I'm in Ohio.

I'm in Ohio and also I can't sleep. It's because I just drove here from home and it's seven hours from there to here and I drink a substantial amount of coffee to help me stay awake. That's why I'm not sleeping. I'm not even making an attempt at sleep. Instead I'm doing this and eating popcorn.

A car just drove by and it was so loud. The cars here are loud because this is hill country and the hill country people drive their effing loud cars just as often as they wear trucker hats to Wal-Mart. Which is every second.

Really I'm just mad and that's why I said those mean things. This is hill country, but the hill country people are just like you and me except dirtier.

Ha! That was another joke. And it was mean. I won't do that again. It's just because of the cars. Really I think it's just one car and some jerk drives it past my house every night at 1:00 AM. One time though I woke up at 3:33 because somebody was driving past my house in a travesty of noise and bother. It was so loud . . . I can't even explain how loud it was, and even if I could you probably wouldn't be able to comprehend the magnitude of it, just because it was and is beyond the ability and decency of normal human beings.

Also, I live on the third floor of my house and so you'd think the percussive quality of sound would decrease as it travels away and upwards . . . you'd think that and you'd be wrong because in Ohio sound defeats the principles of physics and all the other sciences and increases in volume as it expands and travels.

I'm finally feeling tired. It's because of all the big words which, by the way, I threw in without really considering their true definitions. And my investigation into the principles of sound is so totally made up. Whatever.

Listen Here Now

2007-05-18T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am so tired. Tired and I are fighters in a boxing match and we're both so exhausted that we're doing that thing where boxers just kind of bear hug each other and randomly punch without causing any damage. Also it's deathly cold here, here being work and not the Arctic, which is what it feels like. Seriously, it's so cold my hands are aching. But it helps me not fall asleep so that's nice.

I'm also hungry but instead of food I'm going to go get the strongest coffee I can find and I'm going to drink it all at once. And then I'll probably cry because my throat is burned. You should never drink hot coffee all at once children and that's why I am going to get iced coffee and so really I was joking about the throat burning and the crying. Besides I never cry. I'm too tough.

I don't have any stories or topics of interest. I do have a dirty joke though. Just everybody go hide because I'm going to go ahead and tell it. Here it is . . .

Men are like hardwood floors . . . lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.

Leslie knows that one because I told it to her.

Oh gosh I feel like I could sleep for a couple days and then go camping. All right, I suppose I'd better get back to work. Several things are happening at once and as I can only concentrate on sparkles and gypsy bangles right now I'd better stop and make an attempt to focus on accounting related things. That's totally lame and I'm not really going to do it, but I'd better go anyway.

A Few Months From Now . . .

2007-05-17T06:36:00.000-07:00

Anyway, work has finally calmed down and so now I can do things that don't include:

1) answering the phone
2) filing
3) alphabetising
4) taking faxes around
5) writing memos
6) making copies

and a whole host of other pointless office tasks. Now that I have time to do whatever I please (as long as I appear busy) I have become rather bored and so I'm doing this again.

Here's the real issue: last night I saw a man (this was on a tv show) catch a fish by placing a net, like a net with a handle, on the shore of a lake and the fish just jumped into the net (the net wasn't underwater or anything) and the man said, "That's how we catch fish in Johnsonville, Illinois." And I was like, "What? Really!?" Anyway, I wanted to know if there was some kind of special trick that did it or if that whole thing was just a fluke or if that man was a liar and really the fish was tied to a string and they just made it look like the fish jumped when actually, they pulled it. The one person I can think of who would maybe know something about this is Brian (Alison's husband) because he comes from Missouri where they catch fish on a "line" and do this thing called "garring" or whatnot. The point is, all of those activities involve catching fish in odd ways and that's the connection.

Also, the people at this office just wander around randomly. It drives me absolutely crazy because they're constantly walking by me and this means that I have to try and appear busy sporadically and without warning. It makes me paranoid and I can feel them walk by like bugs on my skin.

Well, that's all. Except it's nice that Traever was able to go on vacation.

The Third Liberation Front

2007-03-30T05:25:00.000-07:00

Another early day at work. I'm very tired and in no mood for antics of any kind.

Actually, that's not true at all although I am very tired and I'll be at work for ten hours today. However, yes of course, Callie is still alive. She is active in the Third Liberation Front as an operative in the field. Using her uncanny abilities in the areas of cool thinking, resourcefulness and ju jitsu, she is able to out-fight, out-wit and generally out-class the enemy. Really though she's busy just hanging out.

I don't think I have any news . . . . at least none that's of general interest . . .

You know what really bothers me about my dog? The fact that I was not able to have her preserved. Like I think it would be cool to have a stuffed Lady statue. People do it with deer heads all the time, but I wouldn't have saved just her head. I would have kept the entire body. It would be just like a stuffed animal only better.

I might go to the mall tonight and spend a lot of money in some kind of work-too-much-stupor. That would be totally great. I just can't even think right now so I'd better go and maybe come back some other time.

Mr. Jimmy Ellroy

2007-03-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

I am so tired and all I want to do is read my James Ellroy. That guy is such a great writer. Seriously, you honchos have no idea, even the ones who dislike reading intensely would be able to appreciate it. It's great. I think James Ellroy and Chuck Pahliniuk (or whatever his last name is, you know the guy I'm talking about) are two of my favorite contemporary writers.

In other news:
- I might be running off to Ohio sometime soon.
- I rented a movie on Thursday and I have yet to return it so my late fee is going to be enormous.
- There are ants in our kitchen again and I do not like ants. They are almost as scary as spiders but not quite. When I see a whole bunch of them together it makes my skin absolutely crawl.

That reminds me, there's this place in Texas or Arizona or New Mexico (it's one of those desert states) where tarantulas migrate to and they do it in huge numbers so there's this swarm of tarantulas somewhere in the desert and people go to certain points on the migration path to watch them. That is one of the worst things I have ever heard and you can be sure that if I were somehow forced to go there and watch that spectacle, I would die of horror. Or at least hyperventilate and then pass out.

Well, I had better get back to concentrating on making the last thirty minutes of work go faster so that I can get home and read some Jimmy Ellroy. So I'm off, you goons!

It is Waaaaay Too Early

2007-03-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

About that Trivial Pursuit game . . . I suppose you did win Traever. But just barely.

It is so early and I am at work and will be here until 6:00 pm. It's like a slow moving nightmare. Plus I had to drive here in my sister's stick shift car and I didn't kill it, but there was a time when I had to really slow down because of the car ahead of me but not come to a complete stop and I didn't know what to do. So I tried just starting over in first but that didn't work out so well and the car growled at me and stalled and then I panicked and just shoved it into second and it lurched forward and I just went from there. Anyway, what do you do when you have to slow down to a rolling stop but not a complete stop? Do you just down shift to second or what? Why do we have stick shifts anyway? Because somebody invented cars that do it by themselves. I hate stick cars with a thousand white hot hates.

I am so tired already and it is only 8:00 am. I've been here for over an hour and I have like nine more to go. I don't know if I'll make it. Plus I've already had one gigantic mug of coffee and I don't think it's helped any. Someone needs to make a preemptive move and hire me a defense attorney because I can't be held responsible for my actions when I have to get up this early.

I have to go get more coffee so see ya suckas.

I'll Have You People Know a Thing or Two

2007-03-08T12:09:00.000-08:00

I'll have you people know that I changed my blog to the "Beta Revolution" or some such nonsense. The blogger people wouldn't let me post in my old format anymore! I am so mad about this, you have no idea. They shouldn't be able to force me to do anything. I hope the blood rots in their veins! You may have noticed that I don't handle change well, at least not nonsense change.

Here's the real story: Alison likes me better than Traever (and JonAthan too probably) and here's why:
1) I am much nicer.
2) I have lots and lots of lovely shoes.
3) I went to the rodeo this year (JonAthan went too, but not the whole time).
4) One time I sent her a care package when she was in Kansas and there were Snicker bars in that care package.

There are many more reasons, however if I listed them all it would become tedious.

And now for something completely different . . . my car is dying a slow death and so I'm going to have to start driving my sister's and it is a stickshift so that should be neat. I'm not so good with a stick and double that in traffic. I think I want a nice, sturdy, beater car that I can drive over ramps and the like. It's almost springtime and I feel like being Stunt Driver McGee.

Also, if I could have two superpowers I would pick mind control and the ability to understand and speak every language ever. That or the ability to swim without getting all pruny, but I think the language one would be more beneficial in the long run.

I want to ride some roller coasters. I haven't been to Six Flags in a long time and I kind of want to go ride The Giant Drop and the other one that I like. I can't remember its name exactly, but it had "bull" in it. It was the one that we rode over and over again on our class trip. I think we went on that roller coaster like seven times in a row. One time my cousins and I went to Six Flags and we stayed until closing and they were for real locking up the park and when they do that they run the rides through over and over again to kind of check them out and for some reason they let my cousin Walter get on and stay on for the run-through. So everyone was ready to leave but Walter wouldn't get off of the roller coaster and my cousin Gabe finally got so mad that we just left Walter there and we haven't seen him since. Just kidding. We did leave though and we went to this Chinese restaurant like a block away and then we went back and got Walter about an hour later, but anyway Walter was always kind of difficult.

Right, maybe I'll see you suckas later.

2007-02-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

Well, my sister is in China right now. Sometimes I worry about her and I'll probably do that while she's gone. I'm always imagining the worst things happening to her; like if she goes for a boat ride I imagine someone drowning her in a fit of rage or if she goes to the county fair I hope that she doesn't get kidnapped by some crazy carni-person. She just gets into the strangest situations and also she's my sister so it's only natural that I worry about her while she's in Communist China.

On to something else: A new stray kitten came to my house! It is perfectly adorable and extremely friendly and my other cats absolutely hate it. I think I'm going to call it Susanne.

I also bought a quilt last night for no reason, except that it was on sale and it was pure silk. I might have a real problem here folks. I am saving money but I shouldn't be spending the residue on silk-no-reason-quilts. You know what though, I'm going to consider it an investment, because really, when is a quilt not going to come in handy? The answer is never. It will never not be useful. If you noticed, that sentence contained two negatives. That is never supposed to be done, but I can get away with it because yes (Traever stupid-head) I am a writing major.

Triple Awesome

2007-02-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

These blogger people, they are trying to make me join the "Beta Revolution" and you know what? I don't join any revolution that I am not the leader of so that puts a stop right on it. For real though, I'll log on to post and they won't let me do it because I'm not "Beta" enough for them. Anyway enough of that because it doesn't even make sense to me.

I didn't get to go to Colorado suckas, and that's a tragedy. It's okay though, because I got to stay home and sleep and I've decided that I'm going boarding this year if I have to 1) walk to a mountain 2) all by myself and 3) break someone's leg for a lift ticket. Of course I might be joking, but we'll just see how it goes.

My car is about ready to die, and this is for real folks. I'm going to have to start saving for a new one and that is so depressing. Saving money is depressing because it means you have grown up. Plus I'm no good at it. I'll get better though I'm sure.

I am going to play Resident Evil 4 tonight. You have no idea how excited I am. The last time I played it my poor character's head was cut off by a crazy woman holding a chainsaw. It was horrible and I actually screamed out loud.

I Might Be Allergic to Cantelope

2007-01-24T06:55:00.000-08:00

You know what is so weird? People in Russia couldn't believe in God and have whatever job they wanted. They could believe in God and then have crappy jobs and that's about it. That didn't seem like a big deal, but I wouldn't want the job I have forever. I just want it until I go to grad school (hopefully) and maybe I wouldn't be able to go to grad school if I lived in Russia like 20 years ago. That would totally blow.

Do you know what else blows? Getting up at 6:30. I hate it. It is so horrible waking up when it is still dark and really cold out. Also, I'm not a morning person, so getting up eary is very high on my list of "Things I Hate to Do."

Things I Hate to Do:
- get up early
- drive in horrible traffic
- eat things that I don't like (to keep from hurting someone's feelings)
- make small talk
- do things that I don't want to because I feel like I can't say "no" (that's my own fault I know, but I hate that I'm like that)
- go to work

Anyway, enough of that. Here's something more cheerful: I bought another crazy antique teapot. I know, calm down everybody, don't freak out with excitement. I'm not a teapot "collector" though, and here's why: I don't buy teapots that have any real monetary value; I only buy ones that I like and that's called "buying things you like." See the difference?

Anyhow, I am so hungry right now. You have no idea. My stomach is absolutely sobbing. I'm going to have to get a snack or die and that's the final word.

Also . . .

2007-01-19T10:02:00.001-08:00

I got a speeding ticket a while ago and guess what! I almost lost my liscense because it took me forever to pay it. Jesse White sent me a letter and this is what it said: IF YOU DO NOT GIVE ME THE MONEY YOU OWE ME, I"M GOING TO REVOKE YOUR LISCENSE! And I was like whoah! And then I called them and they were like, "Just send us the money lady" and so I did. Did you know that though? That you could lose your liscense for taking a long time to pay off a speeding ticket? Because I didn't.

2007-01-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

Here it is folks, I'm writing this while at work, on "The Man's" time. Other than that nothing is going on. At all.

Last night I fell asleep at like 10:30. Only old people sleep at 10:30. I'm getting old because of my job. It is so hot here and do you know why? Because this guy I work with was cold and so he turned the heat up to like 78 degrees and then he left and I'm not sure how to turn it down again. It's so hot it's making me tired and that's bad because it is now 11:38 AM. I'm getting spacey, like sometimes I catch myself staring at the ceiling and I'm not even wondering about anything. I'm just in some kind of bored coma. It's horrible.

You know what I'm going to have to do? I'm going to have to make up stories because nothing is happening or has happened. Except I might go bowling on Saturday. I love bowling, but only once in a while. I don't love bowling like I love Trivial Pursuit because I could play Trivial Pursuit everyday. Do you know what board game I love? And I'm not ashamed of it either. I love the Barbie "Prom" game. It is so fun because you have to earn enough money to buy a dress and then you have to land on a particular space to be able to draw a "date" card and so if you got the last "date" card you almost always got Poindexter! And Poindexter was such a nerd. I always tried to get Tom. Even if I got to draw first, I never picked Ken, I always, always picked Tom.

Guess what I am going to do right now. I'm going to go check the fax machine. And you better believe that story because it's true.

Okay, Here's What . . .

2007-01-17T16:46:00.000-08:00

Does anybody want to go skiing in Colorado on February 3rd? My mom wants me to go, but I don't know if I can get off work. Isn't that horrible? I might miss Colorado because I can't get off work. I hate real life.

Do you know what I just bought? I just bought Resident Evil 4. So far I have opened the packaging and looked at it. I'm not scared of it and you are silly for thinking that.

When I grow up I am going to be like Robin Hood. That or a socialist. Probably not for real, but seeing how people handle and hoard money makes me want to behave rashly. I like the word Rashoman. It is the title of a Japanese movie and I cannot think of the English translation at the moment. I will look it up on Wikipedia when I am able to. That is my new hobby, looking things up on Wikipedia. I do it all the time at work when I could be filing tax reports. And I look up and read about completely useless and unrelated things, like the moons of Jupiter and Rommel's activity in Africa for instance. I also used the company printer to print off 48 pages of a manuscript not related to work. At all. What a glorious day that was. Except I got caught and had to make up a story on the spot.

Well, that's enough of that. One time Leslie and I bought this huge package of pudding snacks, but we (and when I say "we" I mean "I" because Leslie didn't pay for anything) bought them with the stipulation that we eat every single one that night and guess what! We did! I suppose we each only had three pudding snacks, but it felt like a lot because we also ate popcorn and chips and probably some other stuff too. You know what else? I don't care if that was a stupid story. I am ready to go home and I can't because everybody in the entire universe sucks.

P.S. My dad got mad at me last night for saying "that sucks." He told me not to be so vulgar.
P.P.S. I'll check and see if you got any mail JonAthan. Or else I won't, but I probably will.

Wonderful

2007-01-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

I just watched the video of Traever's brother wrecking on the bike ramp and it is very funny. In fact, I watched it twice and laughed equally hard both times. That was great. Here is a list of things that consistently make me happy:
- watching people wreck on bike ramps
- dark chocolate/strawberry truffles
- peppermint iced-tea
- anime
- X-Files
- snowboarding

and there's other stuff to, like spending time with my friends and family, but whatever.

Post Script

2007-01-04T16:07:00.000-08:00

P.S. There should be anime night! Because you know why? I wish it to be thus.

P.P.S. Chestnut is my favorite. It is down like a rubber clown because the terrain park is off to the side, away from all the weirdos. Do you think it will ever snow? Because I want it to.

I'm Snowboarding this Year if it Kills Me.

2007-01-04T15:37:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness. I am so tired and I still haven't gone snowboarding yet. I hate real life. If I don't get into grad school I am going to drive off a cliff. Actually, instead of that I'll just go snowboarding and take a really huge jump that I cannot handle and then I'll see where it goes from there. If, someday, I am horribly injured doing something, I would prefer that something to be snowboarding or else "getting beat up after heckling a major sports star."

That reminds me. Traever, if you ever read this, I still want to see the video of your brother crashing or whatever on that bike.

I haven't seen Leslie in a long time. I wonder if she is up to no good. I am up to "working" when really I should be getting into trouble and Leslie should be getting me out of it.

I haven't done anything interesting because I work in an office now and I file things and get yelled at by rich people. It is so weird. These people have so much money but they worry about it more than anyone else I have ever come into contact with. I just ended that sentence with a preposition, which is inappropriate, but I don't care.

Also, I can kind of speak Old Norse. Did you know that? Listen to this: Konungrinn ser ulf. Konungrinn tekr brandinn. Hann vegr ulfinn. But really, that's nothing to be proud of because no one speaks Old Norse anymore. No one even knows how it is really pronounced.

I am so excited to be done with work. I think I am going to go to the mall or else Barnes and Noble. That is how I reward myself, I go buy books. I got this pirate book for Christmas and it is so cool. There is a skeleton head on the front of it and it has a shiny fake ruby in it's eye! It is so great, you have no idea. Do you know what grog is? Because I do and in my pirate book there is even a recipe that tells you how to make it.

I am so hungry. I think I want pizza now. I might go get some because the oven at my apartment started on fire when I was alone with it and I am still a little afraid to use it. I have decided: I am going to go get pizza because, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I might be slightly tired of Taco Bell. I had Taco Bell for like eight days in a row. But I'm never really tired of Taco Bell. That will never happen.

2006-12-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

I want to go snowboarding on December 29th.

I Cannot Believe This . . .

2006-11-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

But I actually find myself admiring Traever's ability to get out of speeding tickets . . . you could write a book about it, like a kind of "how to" book. They are very popular. It would have to have some kind of guarantee, like if I get a speeding ticket then I get my money back, something like that, but I would probably buy it.

I am very tired. I am so tired that I am sick. It's that run-down kind of sick and I hate it. It makes me absolutely worthless. And you can all save your little jokes and comebacks for that last line because I have already thought of every single one of them and they aren't even clever so there.

Here is what I want for Christmas:
- books (but not "Blood Meridian" because I am going to buy that myself as soon as I get my next paycheck)
- Poirot movies
- maybe some clothes, or just a gift card to the mall or something
- shoes
- more books
- this antique tea pot that I found at "Gridley Antiques" (for some reason I love it with all of my heart)
- various other things

I think my favorite Christmas present was my snowboard . . . or else Band of Brothers or maybe the watch my sister gave me. I don't know.

I hope that it snows instead of raining all winter. Cold rain is hard to deal with, even for someone like me who loves cold weather. Also, the heater in my car is broken. Morning drives are not cheerful, let me tell you.

Real Short (and kind of mean too)

2006-11-12T21:29:00.000-08:00

I just got a speeding ticket. I am so so mad. There is nothing that I can do right now. The only thing that I am capable of, at the present time, is thinking about this speeding ticket. That and the anger. What a horrible bunch of jerks. And I got it in Morton too. I suppose that doesn't matter but from now on I will think of Morton and then I'll glare at nothing in particular and say in a snarly voice, "Morrrtonnnn." I'm sure I'll get over it, someday.

Here is a list of things I hate:
- speeding tickets
- state policemen
- speed traps
- those stupid hats that the state police wear
- police cars
- overpasses
- traffic school (with all my heart)
- Tazewell County

That's all for now. I think I feel better. Huh.

Listen to This

2006-11-03T10:04:00.000-08:00

Guess what. That cereal I bought, the Swedish cereal with the weird packaging . . . well, I don't like it at all. It has raisins in it and I hate raisins.

Work went well, except I did lots of things wrong. Like this time this weird guy called and asked for one of the partners and I was like, "May I tell ______ who's calling?" and the guy mumbled something and I asked him what the call was regarding and he mumbled something again, only this time he sounded really fishy, like maybe he was a crazy liar and I panicked and transferred the call to the wrong receptionist. Everybody was really nice though. They kept telling me that I needed to be louder when I paged people.

Enough of that.

Here is what is important:
- My mom is the one who likes to wear cheesy Christmas sweaters. She never actually does wear them, but whenever we walk by them at the mall I can see this look in her eyes and I have to gently steer her away from them. There was this one time though, when we had our family Christmas picture taken in the worst bunch of sweaters ever imagined. It's pretty embarassing.

Guess What I Just Did

2006-11-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

Do you know what I just did? I know that you don't because you are not me and so it would be impossible for you to know what I just did, unless you saw me do it which you didn't. Anyway, I just spent quite some time emptying those tiny salt packets you get at McDonald's and other fast food places into our salt shaker. I did this because we were out of salt and so I took some (and by some I mean a lot) of those reastaurant-type salt packets from work and that's why I was emptying them into our salt shaker.

The Real Question Is:
- Why didn't I just use the little salt packets in packet form? Why did I have to dump them into the shaker in the first place? I will tell you.

We have a salt shaker . . . actually it is an entire salt and pepper shaker and sugar bowl set and anyhow, this little set of kitchen implements is adorable. The sugar bowl is in the shape of a mama bird and the salt and pepper shakers are in the shapes of baby birds. Plus they were made in Germany which is always attractive . . . the point is I really like them and I like to use them, especially when we have people over. I will nonchalantly pick up a member of the kitchen-implement-bird-family and I'll shake some salt or pepper onto whatever they (they being the guests) happen to be eating and then when they're like, "Oh! Thanks for shaking salt on this food I'm eating . . . is that an adorable bird shaped salt shaker?" I reply, "Yes. Yes it is. It was made in Germany. I have the box to prove it."

You know what? I apologize for this nonsenes. I think Im just nervous about work tomorrow, which is silly but true. I just finished reading the employee handbook and I actually started hyperventilating. Enough about that. I have to go put together a suitable office outfit.

And You Thought You Knew

2006-10-31T21:25:00.000-08:00

Goodness what a day. I did everything, I mean you will not believe all of the things I did. I . . . .

- Number 1 - rode a motorcycle, blindfolded.
- Number 2 - destroyed a zombie army
- Number 3 - launched a grenade into a helicopter piloted by vampire nuns
- Number 4 - bought this really weird cereal from Sweden. I mean, you should see the packaging, it makes absolutely no sense, but it sounded good, so I bought it.

I also bought these dark chocolate strawberry truffles and they were sooooooo good. I love dark chocolate and strawberries. It's like the best combination ever.

Tomorrow makes it one day closer to the second day of my new job. The first day went well, but I was slightly nervous about it. The night before, I had a dream that I was supposed to go to work but my car was all weird. The wheels were missing and there were just rims. There was one little wheel in front and two big wheels in back, like a clown car, and I was like, "Oh no! I can't get to work like this." and my dad replied, "Just drive on the side of the road. That's what it's there for." And so I did and my car went so slow and there were sparks everywhere and I finally got to work, but I was late, and my boss was like, "You're late!" (only he said it like an umpire when they say, "yerrrr out!) and I was like, "but look at my car!" And then I woke up.

I have to go write some papers now.

Why It Is Indeed Time For Snowboarding

2006-10-26T19:38:00.000-07:00

It is time for snowboarding. I realize that there is, in fact, no snow on the ground, but that doesn't matter and it won't stop me because I love it with all of my heart. I will put on my snowboarding pants and coat and hat and gloves and especially my goggles and my boots and I will walk around the house grinning. When I first got my boots I very nearly wore them to school the next day . . . anyhow, I am not a freak. There are others like me.

Here is a snowboarding story:
- One time we were snowboarding (Ali and I, just us, and I'm pretty sure it was the best trip ever) and we were minding our own business and having a great time when this weird-o guy shared a lift ride with us and he started talking and he asked us why we were following his friend around. Ali and I were like, "What? Who?" and the weird-o guy was like, "My friend. In the orange hat." And then he pointed out his weird-o friend, who we had never even seen before, and then they totally tried to hang out with us, but we ditched them. I mean, the nerve! If Brian had been there hopefully he would have kicked their butts (with his juvenille delinquent skills) because they were trying to hit on his wife.

Discussion Questions:
- How many times did I use the word snowboarding? Because it seems like a lot.
- Is there anything better than a snowboarding trip that ends with a game of Trivial Pursuit? Maybe ice cream, but that's it.

By the way, it is time for snowboarding because I said so.

The Fastest Cheetah Alive

2006-10-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

Thanks Ali, but remember, not only are you and Brian the same hotness, you are also the same wonderfulness.

All right, so the champion of Trivial Pursuit was decided last night, and it was me, and before everyone starts shouting obscenities, let me explain the logic:
- First of all I did have 400 hundred (million gazillion) points

- Second of all, Traever kept yelling gibberish so loudly that no one else was able to respond and he kept giving himself imaginary points, so much so that he had to be punished until he was down triple negative points and his answer to EVERYTHING from "Traever, you can't do that, that's cheating," to "What just happened?" was, in an incredibly loud voice, "THIS IS MY HOUSE!"

- Third of all, JonAthan thought he won, but the last question, the one that crowned the champion of all champions, that he answered correctly, was disqualified although I cannot remember for what reason even though I do remember the disqualification was valid.

The Truth About Trivial Pursuit:
- The truth is that no one won. We weren't even really keeping score (but Traever really did have triple negative points). It was more of a free for all, like jeopardy except without the buzzers. The bottom line is; it was really fun and I won because I was the least obnoxious (maybe).

Discussion Questions:
- Traever, did you really go to an Allmand Brothers concert?
- Did I spell "Allmand Brothers" right?

Well, I'm out of interesting items of conversation. If I were a cruel person I would describe the adorable antics of my cats, but I am not a cruel person.

P.S. Thanks to Traever and Andrea for a fun time last night! And the cookies and the brownies were really good.

P.P.S. Okay, I know I said I would not tell a story about my cats, but I just want to know if this is normal: One time my cat killed a mouse and brought it to me, and I was like, "Ewwww, gross Ingrid." Then I turned and walked away because she started crunching on it's head. I walked, maybe a yard, not even, away from her and then turned around and went back to where she was sitting and the mouse was gone, completely gone, the only evidence of its existence a small streak of blood on the ground. Now is that normal? I mean there's usually a spinal cord or a tail or the hands left over . . .

It Froze or Something

2006-10-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

I just typed up a very clever and engaging bit of stuff and then it was lost in the black hole of this computer. It's an evil computer with a maniacal grin and I am frustrated. I'll write something later.

Seriousness

2006-10-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

This is very important:
1) This is probably the best semester ever.
2) I don't want a real job yet. Real jobs seem horrible and scary.

I'm just a smidge nervous about graduating because then I will be a for-real adult with responsibilities and loans to pay. Therefore, logically, I want to get into an MFA program or failing that, to get a cool job. However, I am under the impression that "cool jobs" are so extremely rare as to be considered mythical tales and anyone who says differently is a lying liar. If I have to get an actual job, I would prefer jobs that do not make me feel as though I have moved to Communist Russia.

Jobs I Would Prefer:
- Circus Performer - preferablly fire-swallower. I would be able to spit fireballs. What more could I possibly want?
- Jewel Thief - but only the kind that doesn't get caught.
- Ship Captain - the kind with a gun in a holster.
- Magician's Assistant - who wouldn't want to be one?
- The Sears Tower Window Cleaner - it would be pretty cool, but maybe just once.

By the Way . . . .

2006-09-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

By the way, I may have already mentioned this, but at the rodeo we read this article posted on a metal cabinet in Joe and Walt's Fort Diner about a bear this forest ranger killed. The bear was like 16 feet tall, it was so tall that if it stood on it's hind legs next to your house it could look into a wondow on the second floor and the forest ranger guy had to shoot it like six times in the body and like four times in the head before it died AND it had already eaten TWO people before the forest guy killed it. They found the remains of two hikers in its stomach. After I read that I was like, "Woah."

Also, for some reason I went back and read all the comments on this here blog and I couldn't believe how funny they were. It was weird.

Green is One of My Favorite Colors (i also like blue)

2006-09-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

All right, I am just going to mention the phenomena of some guys getting funnier after they are involved in a serious relationship. So far I can only think of two concrete examples, but they are good ones.

1) Derek - After Derek started dating Sarah he really lightened up and started to crack me up. He was funny before, but now he's hilarious.

2) Brian - Brian married Alison and suddenly became lots funnier with a more random sense of humor.

I wish I could get some testimonials or something, oh wait, Jenn just walked in the door and I asked her and she said Rachel became funnier after she married Jeremy. The proof is in the pudding folks.

It will be my birthday soon and I do not want to talk about it. Instead I would rather talk about Trivial Pursuit and how I will most likely not be playing it anytime soon because Elise hates it and so does almost everyone else I know, except for Traever and JonAthan. That is why I put up with you two, because you are almost the only people I know who like to play Trivial Pursuit.

Someday I am going to go to a real circus. Not that Lamda Chi Gamma Pi or whatever-it's-called circus, but a real circus with elephants and trapez people and tight rope walkers and flame swallowers. Even if I have to go to Romania, I am going to go to a for-real circus.

I need a haircut, desperately. My hair looks like weeds growing out of my head. It is not nearly as soft as it usually is and it is making me depressed. I just want to chop it off with an ax all at once. Do you think that would work? I would never really do it, but just out of curiousity.

Also, I'm just kidding, JonAthan and Traever, you guys are also sometimes-funny and so I put up with you for that reason too.

Oh What Now

2006-09-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

Everyone should read books and/or watch the history channel. Do you know why? Because it makes you good at Trivial Pursuit, and it gives you a large vocabulary.

I am so tired. My eyes are closing right now.

I was just at work and I framed the movie all wrong. Really you couldn't tell, but sometimes, it was painfully obvious to me. No one complained though, so I just pretended that's the way it was supposed to be. It's because the movie is in "flat" which I hate with all my heart. Flat means that the lens is flush with the front of the projector, instead of sticking out like "scope." Anyway, flat is really hard for me to frame and so I almost always do it wrong.

Also, here is a list of movies I recently saw that I thought were good:
-Brick

Gee golly, I think that's all. I can't believe it. But really quick I recommend that everyone watch the movie "Flash Gordon." It's hil-a-ri-ous. Leslie and I watched it and laughed so hard we cried. Plus all the costumes are made of gold lame (pronounced la-may, not lame like, "he was so lame." I can't find the tool that inserts accent marks) and sequins. And there's a guy called "Emporer Ming of Mungo."

By the way, one of my high school classmated got married and I went to the reception with Alison and Brian came along and I took a card and it was blank and I didn't know what to say and Brian wanted me to write, "Go forth and multiply" in it. I didn't do that but I did sign it as "Regina."

Holly Just Said . . . .

2006-09-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

We were looking at some scandalous photos on Holly's facebook and somehow she logged herself out, accidentally and she looked at us and said, "It was the Lord's will."

And then I laughed and said I would write it on my blog and Jenn said, "Write something funny about me. Say, 'Jenn is so funny and cool.'

That made me laugh too.

You know what else makes me laugh? www.realultimatepower.net, or maybe it's .com, but either way I laugh.

The Rodeo

2006-09-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

If possible I remember this rodeo less than the last one. It was really fun though. That's just about all I remember. Also I bought an antique fan for fifty cents. It was awesome. It was also awesome because we weren't skinned alive. Oh! And we finally ate at Joe and Walt's Fort Diner and it was really good and tastey. TJ got the thunder burger and it wreaked havoc on his insides. Everyone else got regular hamburgers and we were all fine.

The acutal rodeo was really fun. Jenn didn't get yelled at by an old man but JonAthan kept making obnoxious comments to the elderly couple next to us until they finally gave up and became his friends.

Hmmmmm, what else happened. It's pretty hazy however I definitely remember playing "20 Questions" and "I See Something . . ." That was when we were sitting in the "Hy-vee" parking lot eating tubs of ice cream with spoons Jenn stole from the deli.

Well that's all I remember right now.

P.S. Oh, and Alison and Brian stayed awake for the drive home. Thanks guys. Also, thanks to Brian for making that rather good save in the Joe and Walt parking lot. I totally dropped the ball there.

An Irresponsible Streak

2006-09-05T10:50:00.000-07:00

First of all, the most important thing . . . I am not at all helpless although, yes I will admit it, sometimes I am irresponsible. Like that time I had to get my course schedule turned in if I wanted my financial aid and to do that I had to get all my internship paperwork turned in and I waited until the absolute last moment and man was that the worst day ever, but I got it turned in on time and therefore my financial aid was not taken away. However, things usually work out because miracles take care of me.

Second I am going nuts because I did absolutely none of the stuff I was supposed to do over the weekend and now I feel like I'm suffocating. You know those stories with the morals? Well, I have learned my lesson. I do not think that I will do anything like this ever again, but maybe I will . . . maybe. Also, I have no money. And I think I paid my rent, I think I did.

This is not typical by the way. Usually I have my little ducks lined up in a row.

There are no exciting stories except I am in a ceramics class and my hands are all dry and gnarled now, just like an old man's. Oh, and hopefully the rodeo is this weekend. I'm not sure though. No one has mentioned it to me, like maybe everyone else forgot about it. That would be tragic.

I'm Just No Good Baby

2006-08-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

I'm no good with time. I always think that it's earlier than it really is.

This morning I woke up and I thought I had lots of time and really I only had about 15 minutes and so I was late and sporting sloppy wet hair all over the place. I don't know what happens. I must space out for 20 minutes and then snap out of it with absolutely no memory of what I was doing (which was nothing) whatsoever. This happens a lot. One time I left for work fifteen minutes late because I thought that I still had fifteen minutes to go and that I was actually leaving early. Anyway, I think this all stems from me not being a left-brained person.

Here's a funny story:
- Leslie was sleeping at 11:00 PM last night.

I haven't seen her all day either. She's missing and probably at school. I want to go out to eat, really badly, to Denny's. I feel like I need something to cheer me up, what with Leslie going to bed early and me doing everything wrong today, and Denny's would be just the thing . . . that or maybe some Advarin.

Also I had to get my blood drawn early this morning and that just threw everything off.

In a Very Stern Voice

2006-08-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

Callie, I am not afraid of your empty threats.

And I Mean It

2006-08-10T21:58:00.000-07:00

Gyarrrrr! I just realized that school starts in like a week. I'm totally not ready for it. Well, I'm ready for it in that I've been going for quite some time and I know how it works, but I'm not ready in the sense that I haven't turned in all the paperwork for my internship or my independant study. That bodes "not well." The problem is, I'm moving in slow motion and everything else is going super fast.

Nothing interesting is going on. For real, except I might have fleas. Ha ha! Just kidding. I don't have fleas I hope. Anyway, I bought some Chuck Taylor's at a thrift store and I love them, but I haven't washed them yet and now I'm afraid I might have fleas or something.

I just spilled purple Lik-A-Maid all over Jenn's bed. No one tell her.

Les and I are going to go to the late show of a scary movie. Maybe we'll go to Denny's afterwards to calm down, whatever we do it'll be fun. I am more than mildly excited. I go to Denny's thinking I'm going to get something different but I nearly always get pancakes. One time I got French Toast. It was good, but as soon as I got it I wanted pancakes.

Bogus

2006-08-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

Oh dear, yes indeed I am still alive. I've been kind of busy lately. Anyway so far nothing too spectacular has happened so nobody has missed out on anything. This is what I know:
- At their reception I said to Alison and Brian, "Well, see you guys at the rodeo" and Alison said, "Yeah!" and Brian said, "If we still go." I've decided that Brian is 1/3 evil.

Some other interesting information is:
- Leslie is going to Africa.
- I am eating very good pizza right now.

The best pizza is Tobin's pizza. Coming in for a close second is Lucca's. Monical's is third and then fourth would be Papa John's. Those are the present standings.

I was just watching Band of Brothers, the one where Speirs shoots all those German pisoners, and Leslie and I have had this conversation before, anyway, I was wondering if he really shot them. I don't think he does. And do executioners wear black? Plus I don't like executions anyway.

Also, the summer time is almost over and I don't know what to do. These are the things I need to do, and fast:
- Go to the Art Institute (and IKIA)
- Operate a pirate galleon
- Stay up all night at Denny's
- Go to the Soldiers and Sailors Orphange and then not break-in like we're supposed to
- Watch the Mad Max movies

There are other things, but I can't think of them right now. Anyway, I've gotta go do some stuff. See ya suckas

P.S. Dave, have you ever seen Metalocalypse. It's hilarious. Kind of frightening, but hilarious. I'm not saying you should watch it, but maybe you would like it if you saw it.

New Hobbies and the Like

2006-07-03T20:24:00.000-07:00

Traever, for your information, Raging Bull is a pretty good movie but I like Taxi Driver and The Deer Hunter better. Anyway, you don't know my taste in movies and you're a liar and a thief and sometimes you don't get your hair cut properly.

We don't get free internet anymore. Arlan moved away. We are going to have to start paying for it. What a bummer. Anyhow, things are slow because I can't watch the Adult Swim Friday Night Fix and I can't play games and I can't watch movie trailers or write nonsense to myself and then change the color of the words. I think I'm going to take up a strange hobby. I haven't decided what it will be yet. Not building model cars and airplanes though.

Here's the real question: Who is cooler, Clint Eastwood or Steve McQueen? I can't decide. Also, if they went to high school together would they have been friends? I'm not sure about that. Steve McQueen would probably have been captain of the football team and Clint Eastwood might have been the guy in shop class who smoked cigarettes and skipped school and who was really cool . . . I should just drop this.

I'm hungry. I think that my brain is starting to eat itself I am so hungry and that is why I am not able to think properly. I have been eating beef jerky a lot. I'm not ashamed of it either. I always apologize for eating it because I can see the disgust in people's eyes but not anymore! I like beef jerky and that's that.

And for my new hobby I think I am going to start reading books in French.

Commercials (Remember 12 Monkeys Leslie?)

2006-06-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

My favorite commercials are:
- Snickers commercials - I love the old ones and the one where the guy is eating the Snickers and then another guy just randomly shows up and says, "Let me help you enjoy that," and then he starts singing . . . it's hilarious.

Those are the only commercials I can think of right now, but I know there are some more that I love.

Anyway, I was watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The New One That Totally Blows and I decided that if myself and Jenn and Leslie and just anyone that I know, if we had been in that particular situation, we would not have died. We would have been like, "Sheriffs do not make civillians transport dead bodies to abandoned mills and then wrap said body in Saran wrap. Something is definately wrong here. Let's leave immediately." It would have been a very short movie because we would have gotten into our van and left that weirdo town right away. That's what I decided. And I know it's a movie, but that doesn't matter. I'm just saying that I'm pretty confident my friends and I would survive The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Also, can a person really run for miles and miles, carrying a chainsaw, with one of their arms cut off? I mean, wouldn't they go into shock from loss of blood? I understand a cut or something like a gun shot wound, but an arm completely gone?

In other news:
- I got a new phone because my old one broke.
- The bids for oil tracts off the coast of Angolia are astronomically high.

Food Talk

2006-06-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

I love to go to Taco Bell or Denny's at midnight. However, only Leslie will go with me. Jenn is asleep by 10:00 PM and Holly doesn't want to be tempted to eat anything because she's always trying to control what she eats (and while I believe in moderation, I think that you should eat whatever you want to) and so she won't go either.

Leslie:
I just saw this new music video. I know you would appreciate it. It was number three on the rock countdown. It's super cool, kind of an homage to The Shining.

In case you don't know, I am a music video junkie. For real. I love music videos. They are so neat-o. I think it's amazing how they can tell a story in like three minutes, and some of them are pretty substantial. Some videos suck, but some of them have great visuals and they're just cool. Anyway, enough about that . . . .

Back to the food. I don't eat all the time, but I like to eat at weird hours and Les is usually there to do it with me. No one else I know is willing to eat at 1 o'clock in the morning. Everyone else has set meal times, and so they are completely against going to Denny's and getting a banana split at 2:00 AM. Therefore, it's depressing when Les is out of the country and I have to go to Steak n' Shake by myself and get everything to go. Except for that one time when I made friends with the manager because he was really bored.

Well, I think I'm going to go get some cheese and crackers and maybe a bottle of wine . . . and then I'll draw a picture of Les on some cardboard and put a hat on it and sit it in a chair and talk to it. Yeah, probably.

Like a Bicycle Shop Without the Bicycles

2006-06-17T15:15:00.000-07:00

I am so absolutely tired. There were bands at work and they didn't get their stuff packed up until 3:00 AM! 3:00 AM! Who takes that long to put a sound board into a trailer!? It was the extension cords. They had to wind them up in perfect loops and it took forever because there were about a million of them strung out all over the place.

I just got off work and I want to take a nap, but it's too late. There is a point in time after which it is impossible to take a good nap. I think it's 5:00 PM. If I sleep after 5:00 with the intention of getting up and going on with the day . . . well, it's too late because the day is over and I slept it away and the only thing left to do is go to bed. I suppose this only applies to me because I take two hour naps. Other people can take 15 minute naps, but I can't. My naps are an hour at least. One time I got home from school at like 3:00 and then I slept until 8:00. That was awesome, but at the same time I almost had a panic attack because I felt like I had slept my life away.

Tomorrow is father's day, right? I haven't even gotten anything for my dad. I'll have to do that before I go home. My dad is hard to shop for because when I ask him what he wants, he says, "I would like a new combine," or something like that, so usually I just get him some Macademia nuts because he likes those too.

It's Back to Work With You!

2006-06-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

I am in a pretty good mood because I just ate a gigantic bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup and three different kinds of sprinkles. Consequently:
-Traever, you can come to the rodeo, but you're not allowed to bring that blue bat.

I can't talk about the rodeo because if I do I get too excited about buying a newer and even tackier vest and getting an oddball board game and shopping at dollar general and watching team calf roping or whatever and the little kids tied to the sheep and listening to Tool during the concert and just everything. I have to think about something else.

Here we go. What Japanese war cry meant "May you live forever!"? That's another for-real Trivial Pursuit question. A yellow one this time and I'm betting that someone will know the answer.

Today my list of things to do included:
- jogging
- laying out
- eating
- watching movies

Absolutely nothing is going on and that's okay with me.

It Gets Cold at Night in the Desert.

2006-06-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

I have extra money and I am going to go buy books. Here is a list of people I know who would disapprove of this action:
- Jenn - Jenn thinks books are a waste of time

Actually, I think that's all. Probably a couple other people, but I don't know for sure. That turned out to be a short list. Wonderful! Did you know that Vunderbarr (sp?) is German for wonderful? I bet you didn't.

I like to watch Jame Bond movies with my dad. We have the best time ever. Anyway, they are making a new James Bond movie called, "Casino Royale" which was one of the very first books by Ian Flemming. I know because I have it. Anyway, I'm just curious as to how this movie will turn out. I mean it's a different guy and everything and this particular story is kind of dark and sinister. Anyway, I'm pretty sure no one cares about this, but I'm kind of excited.

Something else that I am excited about:
- going mini-golfing - I shouldn't be excited about that though because I always 1) lose or 2) get hit in the face with a golf club.

I have to go cash my check before I fall asleep.

Drink More Water, You

2006-06-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Actually my new nickname is "Ruiner" because I seem to cause a lot of accidents. For instance, I accidentally smash random car windshields and blow up computers. In short, I ruin stuff. I have a knack for unintentionally causing serious damage.

Here's some news:
- I saw X-Men: The Third. It wasn't so good.
- I have decided to start drinking more water . . . if it tastes like juice.

I can't think of anymore news. I am so tired. I wish I had my sidekick here but she is off helping orphans in Ukraine . . . and possibly getting hepatitis from the contaminated water, but I certainly hope not.

My arm hurts. I burned it at work and now there is a very big, tear drop shaped, red mark on me. It makes me frustrated and short tempered.

I just thought of something cheery though. Here, "What was the only nation besides the U.S. with at least 59 active nuclear power reactors in 2000?" That's a for-real Trivial Pursuit question. A blue one. I bet no one guesses the answer. That reminds me: Traever, I'm still looking for that quarter you owe me. I'm going to put it towards my student loans . . . so anytime now.

Also, Dave have you watched Samurai Champloo yet? Cause if not then get to it sucka!

Make That "Florence 'Ruiner' Disalvo"

2006-06-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

Here's the news:
1) Neither Traever or JonAthan "wiped the floor with me" at Trivial Pursuit.
2) It was established that I am Doc Holliday . . . and Eugene Roe.
3) I'm terrible at ping-pong.
4) Leslie beat me at air hockey.

Leslie and Callie and I had fun in church today. We all sat together like little ducks in a row. I sat next to Callie and Leslie was on the other side of Callie and during the announcements or whatever, I started poking Callie (including my finger up her nose) and she started pinching me and telling me to stop it and then Leslie reached over and tried to hold my hands still but I was laughing so hard I was shaking and then they started laughing too. It was really really fun and yes I know Traever, I'm such a sinner. But I did pay attention during the sermon. I paid attention so much that I kind of doubted the facts of the minister's example story. Callie knows what I'm talking about it. It just goes to show that I am Sherlock Holmes and you, Callie, are Watson. At least today you were.

That reminds me. I saw one of the best movies ever yesterday, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. All I know is that movie will put you in your place.

My new nickname is "Ruiner."

Vunderbarr

2006-05-31T23:27:00.000-07:00

And the San Diego Dynasty paintball team won the championship.

Straight Hair

2006-05-31T22:33:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that no one seems to take skin cancer seriously anymore. That seems dangerous, but then again I don't trouble with sunscreen all the time either.

Right this moment I am eating a king size thing of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Consequently I can only type with one hand so it's slow going. Peanut Butter Cups used to be my favorite candy. My favorite candy as of now might be Lik-A-Maid or more specifically, the Lik-A-Stik in the Lik-A-Maid. I also like Junior Mints, but that's because I eat them constantly at work. Candy goes like this:
- Peanut Butter Twix
- Lik-A-Maid
- Reese's
- Snickers
- Junior Mints
- Peanut Butter M&M's

Actually, Peanut Butter M&M's are up there with Peanut Butter Twix. Leslie likes fruity candy, like Mike & Ike's. She also likes Redvines. The Ringgers and Alice Cooper are the only people I've heard of who like Redvines. If you don't know, "Redvines" are extra-hard-to-chew licorice whips. It's like eating strawberry flavored plastic, but in a good way.

I also like candy necklaces. They are so wonderful.

Anyway, down to business. I am bringing Trivial Pursuit with me on Friday and I'll play by myself if I have to. I have also decided that if I had any kind of guts that I would get a mohawk and wear a leather jacket and ripped up jeans with one of those wallet chain things, but then it turns out that I'd rather just take a nap.

That reminds me, people with dreadlocks make me so mad. They make me feel like they are socially aware and that I am somehow failing in that department. It's like their hair is constantly mocking me because mine is straight and so I don't know what bubble tea is and I'm not a vegetarian.

In conclusion I sincerely hope that Leslie isn't in Ukraine yet. That wouldn't be cool at all.

I Am Doc Holliday Suckas

2006-05-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

There are some things in life that must be faced, and one of those things is that I am Doc Holliday. Now, others may say that I am not, but they are lying . . . or else sadly mistaken:
-Number 1) Just because you have your name written on a poster of Tombstone, on Val Kilmer aka Doc Holliday does not mean that you are in fact him.
-Number 2) I am a raging alcoholic addicted to poker with tuberculosis and the ability to shoot a gun really well while flaming drunk.

I think that settles it.

And now for something completely different . . . I was watching Seinfeld (sp?) for about a minute because then I had to leave and go do something, but anyway, George had just told Jerry that he would not turn him in to the police if he killed someone and Jerry asked Kramer if he would turn him (Jerry) in to the police if he committed murder and Kramer said, "Definitely." That made me wonder if I would turn my friends in or if I would help them get away. I'm pretty sure that most of my friends would turn me in because deep down they hate me, but it would definitely be a moral dilemma for me. I would probably end up turning them in, just because they killed someone and that's never good. But maybe not. Maybe I'd make a run for it with them to Mexico. I hope that my friends would want to be turned in or else never kill anyone in the first place, but you never know do you (and I'm looking at you JonAthan). Just kidding. I bet if any of my friends turned out to be a murderer it would be . . . well, I'm not sure. I bet each and every one of us could get away with murder. Who would suspect us? People might suspect me, because I'm forever threatening to kill my neighbors, but no one would suspect Leslie or Elise.

Anyway, it's not like I'm plotting a murder or anything, but I was thinking the other day about the best way to hide cocaine, because if you've ever seen Goodfellas, then you know that the wife flushes it down the toilet and they get in trouble. So where would you put it so the cops couldn't find it without completely ruining it? I decided that I would put it in bags and spray paint the bags to blend in with trees and stuff and then I'd tie it up in a tree. That's where I'd store it and so if the cops raided my house they wouldn't find it because it would be up in a tree. Well, maybe that wouldn't work. Now that I see it written down, it sounds rather improbable. Oh well.

Things I Would Like to Learn

2006-05-23T23:02:00.000-07:00

There are some things that I would like to learn and they include:
- How to hotwire cars. That would be pretty cool. Plus I'm Stunt Driver McGee. It makes perfect sense for me to know how to hotwire cars.
- How to pick locks. This would be incredibly handy, however, this guy I know who works as a locksmith said that it is way harder than it looks in the movies.
- Some ju-jitsu or something like that.
- How to throw a knife. Or a machete. Either one.
- How to grill stuff. Grilling stuff makes me nervous. I'm not that bad at it, but so far I've only grilled salmon and chicken and so I would like to get better at it, in fact I would like to become a Grill Master.

Well that's enough for now. Also I think there should be a party . . . and soon.

Oh, I forgot poker. I want to learn how to play poker better. I don't concentrate hard enough for poker, and I only like to play for things like candy and not actual money. My brother makes me watch poker tournaments with him all the time and they make me ferociously nervous. Even more nervous than grilling. And also, the risk really isn't worth it. I mean, hundreds of players and you have to pay twenty or two-hundred thousand (I can't remember which) to get in and there's only one winner? It sounds rather difficult in my opinion. I'd have to be Paul Newman in The Sting to enter a poker tournament.

That reminds me, I was watching the Paintball Championship, or whatever it was called and it was really weird. These guys just ran onto this field with all these obstable things and shot paintball guns really, really fast. It seemed kind of impossible to me. They all knew where the other guys were. I think it would have been cooler if they had more room, like several wooded acres, to move around in, but they only had this football field. The outfits were cool though.

Tennis and the Like

2006-05-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

First of all . . . there are lots of ways to hurt boys besides the "stabbing while he's sleeping" and the "kicking in the junk." I know this because one time I threw a rock at a boys face and he ran away crying, so obviously he was hurt.

On another note, my favorite game is air hockey. I love air hockey. It's soooo fun and also I can probably kick anybody's butt at it, except for Alison (because she's good at everything). I was thinking about ping-pong and foosball (sp?) and they're fun and all, but they're not air hockey. Also, I'm horrible at ping-pong and foosball is a nightmare. That reminds me. I want to play tennis. I'm horrible at that too, but it's still fun because you get to actually run around and stuff instead of just standing there, moving mostly your arms. I think we should play tennis like we did that one time, except I stood around yelling "deuce" and whatever else I yelled instead of actually playing.

Anyway, I am sooo tired, which is odd because I got up at 10:30 this morning and went jogging, so I should be really chipper. Instead I feel like I got hit by a truck. Isn't that weird? I mean, what constitutes that?

You know what else is fun? Mini-golfing. I love it. Not real golf. Except the cart driving. I do like that. But one time I went with my dad and brother and they let me drive the cart and I didn't do the best job and so then they made me stop and ever since I haven't been allowed to drive a golf cart. Ali, do you remember when the Stollers had that golf cart and I drove it into their swing set and then a corn field? That was so awesome. Ughhhh, I am so out of it.

Who Would Win . . .

2006-05-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about who would win in a fight between Jenn and Leslie, and I have to say, I'm not sure. Also, you'd think that in a fight between Jenn and Holly or Holly and Leslie that Holly would lose, but I'm not so sure about that either. Holly is very small and kind of passive, but she can also withstand a lot. I say that because she was a top athlete all through high school and it doesn't look like she could be a champion cross-country runner, but she is so . . . maybe she would win. Who knows?

In a fight between:
- Callie and Leslie - there would be no winner. Trust me I've seen this. They don't stop because they're both too stubborn, although I will say that Leslie is more stubborn than Callie. She absolutely will not give up.
- Callie and JonAthan - Callie. Like I said, I've seen Callie fight and she can get pretty vicious. And she has hands of steel.
- Callie and Alison - Callie probably. Alison is pretty tough, but Callie has super-human endurance; physical and mental.
- Callie and Holly - Callie hands down.
- Callie and Traever - Probably Callie.
- Callie and me - I'd like to say me, but probably Callie. She's stronger than me, but I might be willing to take it farther than her.

Anyway, I don't want Callie to move. At all. I'm a little upset about this because I learned of it so suddenly. I mean, she thinks she can just leave? I don't think so! She has to come before the committee and ask permission. Here's the thing. Who is going to watch Hitchcock movies and read Agatha Christie books with me? Callie is the only person who knows what I'm talking about when I say "Poirot" or "Archie Goodwin." I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

However, that doesn't mean I'm not totally going to tear-up when I visit her. Just you wait. We'll own that town pretty soon.

Fine . . .

2006-05-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

Fine. JonAthan, you wouldn't be the guy who panics. Instead you can be the funny guy everybody likes, but then you die. I don't know how. Something senseless though (like a random object falls and crushes your spine and you're too injured to continue and the water is rising and you tell everyone to go on without you) and after your death the members of the group would be all depressed. Especially Traever, as he told you that everyone would make it out, in fact he promised it, and so after you die he becomes all despondant and jaded.

Disaster

2006-05-13T22:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I hope everyone had a good time on Friday. Unfortunately I was not able to make it (duh) and so Traever, you'll have to "wipe the floor with me" some other time.

Anyway . . . not much is happening. I saw one of those lame summer blockbusters, but a friend made me go. She also paid for me, so hey, no skin off my back. And just to let you know, I never, ever, EVER talk during movies, but this one was an exception. I was my own arch nemesis because I kept making snide and sarcastice remarks regarding the plot of the film. It was actually pretty fun and made it all worthwhile. The predicaments those people got into, the movie was Poseidon by the way (I just noticed that I didn't mention that) anyway, the predicaments those people got into were fantastic and hilarious. I mean how many air ducts, which are rapidly filling with water, can you get caught in? Quite a few it seems. Also, it was almost exactly like the origional movie except no death of Shelley Winters to cheer about.

In my disaster movie, here's who would be who:
- I would be either 1) the annoying kid that everyone wishes would die, and gets caught in an incredibly dangerous situation right at the end of the film but then is somehow miraculously saved or 2) the nameless extra who dies right away because of some stupid fluke.
- Leslie would most likely make it to the end. She's very practical and I can see her slapping JonAthan in the face
- JonAthan being the guy who panics in the cramped air vent and has to overcome his fear to save the person who got stuck, Leslie's slap would bring him to his senses and therefore inspire him to pull it together.
- Allison would be the noble female heroin, because it fits so well and
- Brian would be her beau, and he turns out to be a pretty nice guy which is good because
- Callie sacrifices herself so that the two of them can live and be happy forever after.
- Jenn is the sensible comic relief who, unfortunately, loses her life because she goes back for Holly
- Holly being the friendly one who keeps everybody from killing each other, but seems to get into the most trouble and finally gets caught on a stray wire when everyone has to swim underwater a long distance but lives because of Jenn's selflessness.
- Traever survives.

Well that's my disaster movie. It would be really good and there would be lots of rising water and cramped air vents and explosions and maybe even a mutant shark. Zowie! Right?

Hi-falutin'

2006-05-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

I did spell princess wrong! And in public too! Grrrrrr! Oh well, I'm not the most careful person sometimes.

First off, I am in a terrible mood today. I want absolutely nothing to do with anybody. However, I have to go to work and deal with people. It's going to be a nightmare.

That reminds me, my nickname at work is "Coleslaw." Isn't that weird? I hate coleslaw, never eat the stuff, but that's what my manager calls me. We also made up nicknames for these other two girls we work with. These girls are best friends and one of them is pure Irish and the other is like half Hispanic and she's always telling us that her Hispanic side of the family is trash (which is terrible) and so we dubbed them "Mic" and "Spic" (which is even worse but we did it and now it's done).

I like thinking of nicknames for people. Like sometimes I call Callie "Grubby Jack" and sometimes I call JonAthan "the Jerk who doesn't knock." Ha ha! Just kidding JonAthan! You knock now and so we don't call you that . . . not that we ever did. However, I do have a new nickname for JonAthan and it is, "Trivial Pursuit Liar-Pants." Here's the real story:

1) We didn't even finish the game. Everyone else got bored and quit and it was just you and me answering random questions that no one else was listening to.
2) I knew a whole bunch of answers! You knew a whole bunch too, but it wasn't like I didn't know any (which is what you implied).
3) There was one question that I vividly remember and I was stumped and you knew the answer, but it was just one question, it wasn't the entire game.
4) You're the worst exaggerator I know.

Anyway, I think that we should all go over to Traever's and play Trivial Pursuit. Or else everyone can come here . . . I don't care. It's just my roommates won't play with me.

And Again Tomorrow

2006-05-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

I have been working nonstop and it's driving me crazy. I'll never make it in the real world.

Today at work it took me like seven minutes to think of Han Solo's friend from Cloud City in Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. My manager and I were thinking and thinking about it and we just could not remember, but then I did and all was right and good again.

Discussion Questions:
1) What is that guy's name?
2) What is Princes Leia's last name?
3) What is the name of that dude who catches Han Solo?
4) Will anyone ever play Trivial Pursuit with me?

There is someone honking outside of our apartment. It's probably one of the neighbors I hate. I wish unmentionable ill on them. However, I would never kill them for real. I don't believe that killing things is okay. I don't even like to kill flies. One time my dad got sticky traps for mice (we will NEVER EVER have those again) and one day I found a mice stuck on one (I'm sure you've all heard this story) and he was all alive and struggling to get off the trap. I tried to help him, but it was really hard because that stuff is super-evil sticky and his little hand was caught in it and I almost pulled his tiny fingers off trying to get him out of that stuff and he was squeaking and crying and it was just horrible. Anyway, I just don't like to watch things die. Not even spiders. Or ants. I'd probably make a terrible mobster.

Needless Spendage

2006-05-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am pathetically poor right now. It's because I've been spending too much money on booze and loose women. But seriously. I've been buying things that I don't need, like tacos for instance. Finals are almost over I just have this last one, the one I'm supposed to be working on now, and then I'll be done, gloriously done.

People are trying to send me to France. For real, they want me to study abroad there, and while that's all well and good, I'd have to pay like 14,000 dollars to do it. Game over man, game over. That's a little too much for du vin et des baguettes, don't you think?

I have to go take some movies back and then I will probably rent some more, which is another thing that I have been wasting money on when I really don't have it. That reminds me, gas is outrageous. I've been talking about it with my dad and we decided that we are going to become radicals and maybe do something outrageous, if we can stay up past midnight to do it. My dad falls asleep at around 10:00 on the couch, and then I make him get up so I can lay on the couch and fall asleep at 12:00. We would do our outrageous deed at 3:00 or possibly even 4:00, because that's when most gas stations are vulnerable, so it looks like we'll be law-abiding citizens for a bit longer.

There was a spider in my shower last night. I woke up on the couch at 4:00 AM and went upstairs to take a shower and there was a spider in there and I was very upset. I washed it down the drain and put a heavy book over the drain so that it couldn't crawl out again. Did you know that spiders can trap air in the hairs on their bodies and that's why they don't drown like they should? Well, they can. Anyway, the worst of it was, my dad heard me freaking out in the bathroom and he was wondering what could possibly be wrong and he said, and I quote, "I was laying there, wondering what could be wrong and I was laying there and then I fell back asleep." Very reassuring.

Finals Week is Almost Over Yay!

2006-04-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

Finals are a blast. Everynight I'm so busy fretting about the tests and portfolios that I forget to study for the tests and/or finish up my portfolios. That's okay though. I'm a superhero when it comes to finals and somehow scraping by. I have a huge one coming up at 1:00. I don't believe I'm ready for it and I'm extremely hungry. I just had a meeting with a career advisor and I'm also depressed. Hardly the mental state to be in before a massive, grinning final.

Ughhhh, I also have to read a poem in front of people. I hate poetry. It's not even real. I mean, who can tell whether or not it's even a poem? Some poetry is good and all that, but I don't like to write it and even less do I like to read it in front of people.

I am sooooo hungry. I think I'll eat some pie. I can't decide between cherry pie or some other kind that I have not thought of yet. My mom makes the best cherry pie ever. For real. Same with peach, blueberry, apple, strawberry, and kuchen. She's the best pie maker in the world. Do you want proof? Well, she makes cherry pie with those little criss-cross things on the top. That's the way to make it. I don't care what anybody else says. I'm so hungry I'm delirious.

I have to study. I don't have time for this. I just needed a break, that's all. I can't wait for it to be over. Then I can go back to thinking about a career as a racecar driver. By the way, my mom said that I can live at home forever if I want to, so there.

*Also, I noticed that whenever I spell hungry I spell it like this: "hungary," like the country and I have to go back and fix it everytime. The only time I spell it right is when I think about it, when I think, "I'm going to have to spell hungry in a little bit here. That's "hungry," not "hungary." and that's when I do it right.*

Scurvy Sea Dog

2006-04-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am a scurvy sea dog indeed. This calls for a red bandana and possibly an eye patch. I have the pirate song already made up, but I forgot to write it down. Leslie, do you remember it? Because I know I came home one night and sang it to you.

Anyhow, I am Steve McQueen. As well as Dirty Harry Callahan, Josey Whales, Gary Oldman and Sid Vicious at some point during the day. Oh! And I can't forget Johnny Cash. I'm him too when I feel like it.

Well, looks like my day is covered.

If anyone has anything interesting to say then now would be the time. I have to go to a class meeting now. I was just excited about the scurvy sea dog thing.

Red Barney Eh?

2006-04-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

Les, I decided to try it again. So tell me what kind of pirate I am. Personally, I feel as if I am a scurvy sea dog . . . . which could just be wishful thinking.

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Happy Jack

2006-04-17T12:46:00.000-07:00

I was inspired (as per usual) by something that Traever said. Here it is: I never restrict my diet. Ever. I don't think that dieting is worth it. I think that if you want to be healthy than you should eat what you want to . . . in moderation. Also, there should be some exercise in there somewhere. But anyway, I'm fine with being chubby and I like ice cream too much to even care so there!

Anyhow, it was Easter. It was a wonderful weekend for obvious reasons, but my mom didn't give us our Easter baskets this year. That sounds incredibly selfish and childish, but my mom always gets us Cadbury chocolate eggs and the like and a gift card to Barnes and Noble or something and this year she gave us the gift card but we didn't get any candy!! I was shocked and horrified. She told me that she would buy me some Easter candy at some random and non-Easter time, but it's not at all the same. It was how I imagine it would be if I found out I was adopted. That's how weirded out I was.

"Happy Jack" is playing over and over again on my computer. It's not bad but I have to do something about this. So long.

Running Into a Wall

2006-04-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

I am so very tired. I'm sleeping all the time. I know, it sounds like I shouldn't be tired if I'm sleeping all the time, but "all the time" happens to be rather infrequent, despite what it sounds like. Ughhh, I want a vacation. I don't want to go anywhere, I just want to be able to go home and not have to do anything but watch movies and spend time with my family.

News:
It's Easter soon.

I don't want to talk about anything.

You know what I miss? I miss watching volleyball on ESPN. I love doing that. It's one of my favorite things to watch. That sounds totally lame, but watching volleyball is like watching a really awesome ballet. Everyone is so graceful, but they're not wearing leotards or walking on their tiptoes. I also like to watch swimming. I can't believe how fast they are. I think I like to watch those sports because those are the ones I participated in. Also one time I watched the Stanford girl's volleyball team play somebody else and Ogana Numani (sp?) is on the Stanford team and I played against her in high school.

I have to quick get smart by, the end of the month so I can ace my finals. That reminds me. Richard has my ranch dressing. I'll be needing that back probably. I like ranch dressing.

Dos Reales

2006-03-29T11:33:00.000-08:00

Dos Reales is one of the best Mexican restaurants ever. The full list of best Mexican restaurants ever is as follows:
- El Puerton
- Fiesta Ranchera
- Dos Reales

We have ants in our kitchen. That really makes me nervous because I hate ants. I think it's their swarming potential. Ants can swarm and eat the flesh from your bones, especially if they are giant, red, flesh eating ants from Peru, which these aren't, but still I hate ants. Also, did you know that ants have wars? They do. I saw it on the Discovery Channel when I was little and a red ant colony and a black ant colony had a war. I mean, they fought over something and cut each others legs off with their pincers. Ants are just creepy.

Does anybody remember that movie, "Honey I Shrunk the Kids?" I dislike that movie, but anyway, there was that little boy and he made friends with the ant and he called it "anty" and that always upset me because that's a stupid name. It's like naming your dog "doggy." First off, if I found a giant ant, I'd kill it right away and second, I would name it "Duane" or something, anything besides "anty."

Gasoline is so expensive right now that I want to become a radical and light something on fire, but I won't. I would never really do anything like that.

Ummmm . . . What?

2006-03-27T21:01:00.000-08:00

Well . . . I think I'm in shock because I just finished reading that long series of comments on the last post and I just can't seem to form coherent thoughts in my head. I think it's best if I talk about something amazing now.

Something Amazing:
- I am going to get up at 6:00 in the morning tomorrow and I am going to go running. This is why: Because my cousin Ike was talking about this marathon relay he participated in and he ran his 11 miles averaging 6 minutes per mile and one of his teammates ran his 13 miles averaging 5 minutes and 25 seconds per mile. I immediately felt worthless after hearing this and decided that someday I would be able to survive in the wilderness entirely on my own. I'd live like Grisley Adams, except without the beard. I'd build my own log house and hunt for berries and deer and what-not. What does this have to do with getting up at 6:00 AM to go running? Nothing really. Maybe I'll scratch that and learn how to shoot a bow and arrows.

Other Things of Notice:
- my cousin Ike rules suckas!!
- I don't think I need looking after. I mean, I usually stay out of trouble.
- master plans are my speciality, not yours JonAthan.
- I hate chicken salad and egg salad and potato salad . . . all of those kinds of things.

I think I'm forgetting something important that I need to do school-wise, so I'm off to try and remember what it is.

That Reminds Me

2006-03-20T18:04:00.000-08:00

That reminds me, Dave, I'm going to be in Morton next Sunday because my aunt and cousin are visiting my grandma. They're from Alaska and so when they visit us we all jump like trained poodles and spend time together. I hope that doesn't sound bitter because it's not meant to.

An Easterly Wind . . . or Whatever

2006-03-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

Well children, it's story time again:

Once upon a time my very good friend decided to go ahead and get married. The end.

Discussion questions:
1) That's all well and good, but who's going to go snowboarding with me? And if she does go, then will she have to drag that boy of hers along? Because he's not really invited.

2) What about the rodeo? I mean, we have to go to the rodeo. That's it. Final answer.

Anyway, my roommates got back from Mexico and didn't even say "hi" to me. That's okay because I hate them too. Ha ha! Just kidding. I don't hate my roommates at all, in fact, I like them a lot. What happened was, they were very tired, in fact Holly was sleeping on the couch, and I was in a very angry mood and so I didn't say anything either. I suppose I should have been like, "Welcome back roommates! I am very glad that you did not get cholera from Mexican water!" or something of that nature, but I just made supper and went to bed.

It's supposed to snow tonight, but I doubt it. My manager said there was an easterly wind though and that meant that something strange was going to happen, like lots of snow in March. I'd rather it be something strange like maybe a Sid Vicious t-shirt magically appearing in my closet . . . that kind of thing.

I wish Leslie were here. She would tell me a joke or something. Nobody knows any good jokes anymore.

No Chicago This Weekend . . . Ughhhh

2006-03-11T13:02:00.000-08:00

Hopefully everyone went off to Mexico and they're having a wonderful trip full of safeness and friendship. I am going back to school and it will not be full of those things, well maybe the friendship. I went to Mexico once and contrary to previously held beliefs the water didn't kill us, we didn't see el chulpacabra (sp?) and yes there were tacos.

In Mexico we stayed at a frightening hotel (which was actually in Arizona). The pool was in the middle of the courtyard surrounded by a high, concrete wall. Also there might have been bars on the window, but I don't remember. I do remember that Callie and I shared a room with Angie and Callie and I shared a bed and Callie made me sleep closest to the door and we made Angie sleep in the outdated hospital bed. The TV was mounted on the wall and the shower was amazing.

In other news the sun rose in the east and it will most likely set in the west.

Hey Les . . . .

2006-03-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

Hey Les, where are you going to be for spring break? Are you going to have to work during the week or are you going home? Anyway, I might see you today. I'm going to stop by the apartment. Also, I just thought I'd let you know, I'm still counting the days until March 14th! Can you wait? Because I can't. Sometimes I squeal randomly I'm so excited.

Stupid Canada . . . Stealing My Friends

2006-03-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

There was absolutely no aftermath today. Everything was pretty calm and uneventful. News:
- I bought a new sweatshirt
- I found some shoes that I must own

Last night I went out with Beth because she is heading off to Canada and I am going to miss her and she might miss me a little so we did some hanging out. We went to Goodwill and I bought some jogging pants and a paper knife . . . made of glass! It is soooo cool. It's pretty sharp too.

By the way, a paper knife is a knife one uses to open envelopes. A letter opener! That's what it's called! I read a lot of Agatha Christie and in her books people are often stabbed with letter openers or "paper knives" as the Brits call them and so "paper knife" just stuck in my head and that's what I call them.

Leslie just made some violent arm motions that alarmed me. But it's over now.

Holly is at this moment describing her encounter with a guy who was smoking weed on the quad. It is incredibly hilarious. She is going to try and catch him at it tomorrow with Leslie as her witness. Unfortunately I will not be there to see this wonder.

It Was Pretty Fun

2006-02-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

GAD was pretty fun. It started off kind of shaky because JonAthan refused to order the pizza as soon as I got there (which was about an hour early). However, things quickly looked up when he showed us the cake he baked, with his own two hands, for James Augustine's birthday. It was decorated and everything. I was impressed.

Also, JonAthan and I got into a slight argument over an Iowa player who was obviously bald, and yes I know he shaves his head, but he was still noticeably bald. However, I felt bad because all the Gridley people picked up on this sore spot right away and teased JonAthan to no end. Sorry about that.

Other Noteworthy Occurances:
- I was told that if I did not shape up then I would have to sit on the floor with all the other non-Gridley people.
- There was a giant TV that JonAthan apparently stole from his neighbor.
- Dennis said Bob Knight was an asshole (don't tell that to anyone).
- Ali and I got to spend the majority of the afternoon together.
- Illinois won

I hate spiders. There weren't any spiders at GAD, but I hate them so much that if there were giant spiders hiding in some woods I would buy a helicopter and get a machine gun, no, several machine guns and I would have to find all of the giant spiders (in my helicopter where they couldn't get me) and shoot them to bits. There, that's out.

Anyway, I just bought the first season of Avatar: The Last Airbender and I am going to go watch it. So see ya suckas!

Mushroom Pizza

2006-02-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

JonAthan, here's the most important thing:
- I like mushroom pizza.

Here's an example of how hard you should remember that:
- If you ever wash up on the shore of some island (like Tahiti) and you can't remember your name or where you came from or how you ended up on the shores of Tahiti anyway, at least you will know, somewhere deep in your heart, that I ("I" as in me, not you) like mushroom pizza.

Just know that when I walk into your apartment on Saturday that will be the first thing I look for.

Did you know:
- That a tribe in the Amazon rainforest called the Wari (and some of you already know this and I don't care so just shut your mouths) used to eat their dead. They did this because they thought burial was disrespectful, so they would let the body rot for a few days and then eat it as part of the "funeral." They don't do that anymore.

- That in Europe, especially places like Italy, they are running out of places to bury people, so they'll bury the dead person and have a funeral and everything and then in like five years they dig the person up and cremate them and then bury someone else in their grave and so on and so forth.

I suppose that's enough of that. I have to go take my French midterm that I haven't studied for. Wish me luck!

Cadbury Chocolate

2006-02-22T18:03:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of going to France next year. Seriously. Except I don't really want to go to France. I'd rather go to England or Ireland or Austria. But France is where they speak French (besides French Canadia) and since that's my minor I'd have to go there. Plus I'd miss Christmas.

I want to go to Russia and visit the Kremlin, but then I'd come right back home. I wouldn't want to spend the night in Russia. But I think it would be cool to look at Vladimir Lenin in his glass case. I think they might have finally buried him though because he was starting to decay or something. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure what I'm talking about because I got like fifteen minutes of sleep last night. It was all my redaction's (remember, it's pronounced ray-dak-tee-on) fault because I put it off until the very last minute and then it took longer than I thought.

I bought Easter candy, you know, those Cadbury eggs. I ate almost all of them. I love Cadbury's chocolate. It is my absolute favorite chocolate. It is the best in the world. Also, I saw a chocolate cross the other day. I wasn't sure if I liked that . . . the idea of people eating the thing that Jesus died on. That seemed a little inappropriate to me. But anyhow, Cadbury chocolate is better than any chocolate in the world and when I eat it I feel like the Earl of Glouceister. I don't even know if Glouceister is anything, but if it were I would be Earl of it and I would eat Cadbury's daily.

Also, did you know that Cadbury's makes hot chocolate, and they call it "drinking chocolate?" I like the way that sounds but I always forget to order it that way in restaurants. It's a curse.

Freezing to Death II: For Real This Time

2006-02-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

We are for real freezing to death. Our heater broke and so last night Holly and I slept in 50 degree coldness. It was very awful. However, the heater guy just left and he said it was fixed, so we should be fine tonight.

I am not ashamed of this, but I really like the movie Curious George. We are playing it at my movie theater and so I see it about four times a day, and it is adorable! The little monkey is sooooooooo cute. I think that these people would like it:
- Holly - because it is adorable
- Les - because it's adorable and pretty funny
- Callie - because it's not scary at all
- Tommy - for the same reason as Callie
- Jake - because the entire soundtrack is Jack Johnson
- Rich - because it has this one funny part I think he'd laugh at

These are the people who I think would not like it:
- Traever - I don't think he'd take my word for it, or spend time watching it
- JonAthan - not sure, but for the same reasons as Traver
- Jenn - because Jenn only likes to do things that aren't a waste of time

I was at work most of today and I have to write my "redaction" pronounced "ray-dak-tee-on" which means "really boring essay" in French. So long, Je ne suis pas heureuse de ces devoirs.

And Did I Mention That the Pop Machine Stole My Fifty Cents

2006-02-14T08:44:00.000-08:00

The blood thing went really well because the lady who took my blood did not poke my veins a million times with her needle. She did really well and her name was Jaqui and she was nice. She kept asking me if I was all right. She thought I looked pale, but I'm normally pretty pale so nothing out of the ordinary. Just thought you'd like to know.

I am very very tired and I haven't done a lick of my midterm portfolio. I am so screwed. I am also angry with myself because I should be doing school work but instead I stay up late watching amazing Hungarian movies with characters named Gyalogkakuk. However, I wouldn't do it any other way. It's shameful.

I have to go to class now. I might fall asleep, but I don't want to. The professor is a trifle boring but extremely nice and so I would feel bad if I fell asleep. Especially since I sit right across from him.

Freezing to Death

2006-02-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

When you freeze to death you do not sit there thinking about how you are freezing to death. Instead you start to get drowsy and dizzy, kind of like when you're drunk, or so I've heard. Anyway, you start to get really sleepy and you know you should keep walking, but then you start to not care at all and then you think you'll lie down for just a minute and take a nap and then you do and voila! You freeze to death! At least that's how it happened in this short story that I can't remember the title of by Jack London. It's a really good short story. You should read it JonAthan, because I said. There's a guy and his spit freezes before it hits the ground. There's also a dog and the dog lives, which I always thought appropriate.

Another really really good short story is "The Open Boat" by Stephen Crane. Seriously, it is one of the most awesomest short stories ever. And if you read the accompanying article by Crane it becomes even better. I recommend it to the entire population of the world . . . along with "The Most Dangerous Game" and "Lonegan and the Ants" (at least that's what I think it's called) and J.D. Salinger's short story collection. Enough recommendations . . .

I have to give blood in a little bit. I don't want to. They destroy my little arteries with their fierce pokery. I want to go home and hide in a corner, but I'm not going to. I'm going to give blood. I always wonder who, exactly, is getting my blood and why and so from now on I've decided to imagine people like Traever, who are always very-nearly-dying getting my blood. That makes it more entertaining, because while I'm sitting in a weirdo lawn chair with tubes running out of me, taking my blood away, I can think of funny, very-nearly-dying stories for my imaginary dumkoff. Otherwise it's very boring and oftentimes my arm goes numb.

Hellooo, Les is Like My Other Half

2006-02-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

First of all, Les is my other half. We think about the same things, we like the same things, we laugh at the same things, and lately I have been missing her terribly because I have been so busy with school and work it seems like I hardly ever see her. Also, she keeps me pretty honest. Callie keeps us crazy, Ali keeps us straight, Elise keeps us kind, Holly keeps us laughing, and Jenn takes care of us.

Before I get too sappy let me just say this one thing. The guys at the super bowl party who kept asking me to sit by them were close to my age and they were pretty cute. Also, they just wanted me to sit by them because I got Ben to turn the heat down in the balcony like they asked. They considered me their friend from then on. Also, I think they were trying to wrangle free pizza out of me. Luckily I'm not that kind of girl.

Whenever I think about which way I would prefer to die I always come up with "drowning." I'd pick drowning over "being burned alive" and "falling from a really tall building." I think Tommy said that he would prefer falling from a really tall building to drowning. Drowning is just so much more dramatic though and your body isn't all crushed and broken at the end, which doesn't matter at all, but hey, neither does this topic.

Adventures at the Super Bowl Party

2006-02-07T08:27:00.000-08:00

Well I had to work the Super Bowl party at the Castle. First of all there were lots of people there. Four of those people were these weird-o guys. Everytime I went upstairs to the balcony, where they were sitting, they would yell, "There she is!!" I would look at them skeptically and then one of them would pat the seat next to him and say, "Come sit right here. Come on. Come onnnnnnnn." I would then smile nervously and back away slowly. They were good tippers though.

Also my manager made me do the marquee which is hard and it was cold so my fingers were numb and I couldn't work the letter-hanger-upper very well and I broke an "S" and there were all these jerks out under the marquee smoking and making comments and asking me "how's come a pretty little thing like me had to do all the hard work." The man who said that was drunk and old. If Callie and Alli had been there then things would have been fine, but they went to another Super Bowl party where everyone was most likely smiling and probably not drunk and rude. At least I have Gridley Appreciation Day to look forward to.

Lazy (Oh Dear)

2006-02-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'm getting a little worried. I thought I was going through a lazy stage, but now I think it might be a "rest of my life" kind of thing. I've skipped at least one day in each class that I have and we're only about a month into the semester. Also, I'm doing everything last minute and I'm not doing any of my reading. However, if I take it into perspective, I've always done things the morning of, including my nine weeks project in Mrs. McGroarty's biology class. Also, I'm pretty well known for missing lots and lots of school and I'm actually gettting to class on time this semester, contrary to my previous acedemic careers. I don't know about you but I feel better already. I'm supposed to be in French class but instead I'm going to go take a shower.

In Case You Didn't Know

2006-02-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

And so it comes to this.

First of all, if I could be any animal I would probably choose a cat of some kind, and now that I think of it, I would rather like being a kitten because they are cute and little, but their teeth and claws are very sharp and if I were a kitten I'd look all cute and then people would pet me and then I'd bite them with my pointy little teeth. It would be wonderful!

I have already established that Callie is an irrate chipmunk and Leslie is a kangaroo and Holly is a very pretty, tropical bird or one of those very cute furry little dogs that fit in hand bags . . . but that's all.

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be a ship's captain. I'll have to cut my hair short and get a steely glint in my eye but I think it sounds really cool to sail around the world on a big boat full of cargo. Of course I'd also have to have a gun in a holster.

I am going to miss the super bowl because of work. This is the first time that I will not be able to watch it with Ali and Callie since we started our tradition three years ago. I am very depressed about that, however I'm hoping that Gridley Appreciation Day will make up for it.

Callie is so Short, She is the Shortest Person I Know

2006-01-31T17:22:00.000-08:00

Callie is the coolest person in the world. Everyone should buy her a present for her birthday in order to get in her good favor. This includes you Dave.

Callie just dictated that to me, which reminds me, I would like to dictate something to someone in the near future. It just sounds cool. Leslie said that she will be my secretary and I can dictate a memo to her. Callie said that she will be my boss and that she will be mean and throw tantrums and have nervous breakdowns, but I don't think so.

This is what I think will happen in the future:
- Callie will probably be successful and debt free. She will have a budget and stick to it. This is all null and void if Callie commits murder with me, which will be, how could you doubt it, successful.
- Leslie will most likely be successful in some way, although probably not in a conventional way.
- I will probably be dead from a fiery car crash and insane genius, the car crash resulting from the insane genius.
- Carrie will still be employed.
- Alison will take control of the American economy
- JonAthan will be a male nurse.

That's all of that. I have to go do research on the burial practices, or I should say mourning practices of South American Indians. I am so excited.

Something Irregular

2006-01-26T08:17:00.000-08:00

This is irregular, but I am going to talk about Disney movies. This is all Alison's fault.

I like Disney cartoons. I am kind of ashamed of it but there it is. My favorite Disney cartoons run thus:
The Great Mouse Detective
Robin Hood
The Rescuers (the first one, not the second)
101 Dalmations (definitely NOT the real-people one, except I was watching bits of it one time and the main guy is also Mr. Incredible in "The Fantastic Four." I thought that was quite a step up. Oh wait, that was 101 Dalmations 2 or 3, I'm not sure, but one of those cheap knock-off movies)
Beauty and the Beast
Treasure Island (the new fangled, futuristic one)
Sleeping Beauty (because of the fat blue fairy)
Cinderella

And I can't remember any other ones just now. I would say "The Little Mermaid" except it's not even the real story and when you grow up thinking that everything turns out all right and then you read the real story and find out Ariel trades her tail for legs but it feels like she's walking on pins all the time and then she dies because the prince doesn't like her and her sisters cut off all their hair because they're sad . . . well, it kind of ruins everything for you.

I would say, "Now on to something more important" except there is nothing more important to go on to. I was horribly sick all week, I did get a speeding ticket and my hairdryer did blow up in my hand shooting sparks and soot (maybe not soot, but it was black) all over my hand. This was a famously bad week.

Interesting Facts (But Not Really)

2006-01-23T19:53:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I have to get up at 5:30. I really think that this spells doom for me. The only thing that is worth getting up at 5:30 for happens to be snowboarding and I am not snowboarding tomorrow.

I haven't seen Leslie all day and I broke all the computers at work so I'm probably going to be fired soon, but that's okay with me.

Holly's computer talks to her. It says things like "printing started" and "printing complete" in a friendly male voice.

Other interesting facts:
- lobsters don't scream when they are boiled alive. The high pitched squeal that was once thought to be the lobster's "scream" is actually merely jets of steam issuing from the joints in the lobsters shell. Lobsters do, however, struggle to get out of the pot while they are being boiled, going so far as to hook their little claw things over the edge of the pot in an attempt to escape.
- Frankenstein is the name of the Doctor who created the monster. The monster is just called "the monster." But I bet you already knew that one.

I Hate My Neighbors (In the Most Tenderest Way Possible)

2006-01-19T22:08:00.000-08:00

The neighbors are infuriating. It is now 12:09, so it's not that late, but I would say that it is past the appropriate hour to be playing extraordinarily loud music with the same annoying base line for three hours straight. It's times like these that I wish rash wishes, namely painful death on my neighbors. We don't even know how many people live there anyway. I only see one guy leave the place wearing real people clothes (and by real people clothes I mean jeans and some kind of socially accepted shirt). The other inhabitants are a mystery because I've seen at least three other guys walk out the door in plaid pyjama pants without shirts on, but I never see the same guy twice. Just the same pair of plaid pyjama pants. Garrrr! I wish death on them!!!

Les and I just got back from Champaign. We had lots of fun eating until we nearly threw up and watching a movie and just sitting around. Champaign is a special city because Les used to live there and I would visit her and we would do crazy stuff together. Those were the days, let me tell you. One time we drank poison and another time we stayed up really late playing Tekken and I beat this guy and he got mad and moved to Arizona. No one liked him much anyway. All kinds of great stuff that you could never fathom!

I am avoiding homework right now. I'm too tired to do it and I'm still furious at the neighbors. I think I'm going to poison their dog. That right there should tell you how much I dislike them because 1) I would normally never ever harm an animal, but I know that killing their dog would really upset them and 2) Killing their dog would really upset them. Well, on that happy note I'll be off.

The Truth About the Water Bottle

2006-01-18T20:22:00.000-08:00

Let's get one thing straight. It wasn't my fault that Holly's water bottle got smashed into bits. Traever said, "Catch!" And then proceeded to throw the water bottle straight at the wall. It was a spur of the moment thing that ended badly. Anyway, Holly's over it and she wasn't really that mad about it in the first place. It did make for a funny story though.

I am in a rotten mood.

Here, listen to this. I am sitting next to Holly on the couch. She picked up a small, orange make-up bag lying next to her and said to Leslie, "Do you want this? Leah gave it to me, but I don't need it." Leslie looked at it and said, "What is that? Tye-dye? That's not really my style. Besides, I already have one." Holly then kind of glanced over at me and said, "Oh well. Maybe Jenn will want it." That is not why I am in a rotten mood but I am relating this incident as further proof of my roommates' total and complete hatred of me.

Leslie just said the word, "tits." Write it down folks because I couldn't believe it either.

Anyway, onto more profound and enlightening topics . . . what am I saying? There is never anything profound or enlightening said here. I had better get busy doing something productive because my rotten mood is making me think irrational and angry thoughts, which could lead to trouble.

6:15 AM

2006-01-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

I have to get up very early tomorrow. There is nothing that I dread more than getting up early for school. I hate it . . . hate it hate it hate it. I don't know how I'm going to make it through a respectable job. I guess I'm going to have to go to Plan B, the whole moving to Colorado and working at a ski resort and snowboarding all day plan. That Plan B. Either that or become a jewel thief in Italy.

- If I become a jewel thief, Leslie will be my sidekick. We will wear nice, respectable suits and then we will rob jewelry stores in an artful manner and then we will go to the beach and the Italian Riviera and maybe gamble a little bit and then we'll eat some dinner. Callie can come along too, but she'll have to wait in the car.

I also wouldn't mind going to London and living on the Underground. I would wear trendy red shoes and denim and smoke cigarettes constantly.

Anyway, those are the things that I would do in lieu of living respectably all because of getting up early. Not really, my parents wouldn't like that . . . and I would probably feel guilty too.

Short Term

2006-01-12T08:35:00.000-08:00

I took some time away from my blog. It was kind of like a hiatus from the demands of thinking of enormously interesting things to say. That's all sarcasm if you couldn't tell. I was just lazy and I didn't want to write in my blog. I was working a lot and I was always tired, so I ignored my little friend, Junie, here and did other stuff. Besides, nothing I say is particularly interesting.

That's new, in case you didn't notice . . . the "Junie" thing. I have decided to name my blog "Junie." Number one because I hate saying the word "blog." Number two I hate typing the word "blog" and number three, I think the name "Junie" is perfect.

I like having food. Do you know how depressing it is to open the pantry and find that all you have to eat is stale cookies? It's not as depressing as opening your pantry and finding out there's a drought and the cow or goat just died and dad is unemployed and the only thing to do is walk across a desert to another country with the hope that they have some food and an economy . . . .

Enough of that. I am going to go home and make trouble. The real problem here is that I just found someone that I do not like. I do not like them because they are stupid. They are stupid because they are completely oblivious to the consequences of their actions. I'm sure I fall into the category sometimes too, but this person does it so blatantly and with one of those smiles that they're so sure will make you feel better. That was the anger talking. I'm sure I'll get over it in a minute. By the way, Junie is short for Junius.

The Salt Wars

2005-12-21T19:30:00.000-08:00

I am currently fighting in the "Salt Wars." It sounds very dramatic and interesting doesn't it. Like maybe we're fighting some sand people over the last salt deposits on the entire earth and I'm a medic in the paratroopers!! I wish it were, but what it really means is that I have to constantly clean up the salt that "they" ("they" meaning the sand people) sprinkle everywhere to melt the snow on the sidewalks and that people track in all the time. A tad disappointing.

Also, I am going completely crazy because I hate driving this time of year when people are just milling around, only they're doing it in large metal machines that crush human bones and flesh into pulp. All right. The tortellini is done so I am going to go eat it.

I'm Not At Home Anymore

2005-12-20T19:40:00.000-08:00

I think I may be turning into an agoraphobic. Of course I'm exaggerating, but I seriously do not want to leave my house . . . ever. I love it there. I think it has to do with the fact that there are cookies and warm temperatures at my house and everyone loves me and puts up with me and there is always milk because my mom actually goes to the grocery store and buys it. When I have to leave I start thinking extremely negative thoughts, mostly thoughts like, "I hate everything and I want to stay here." Anyway, enough of that . . . I am going to buy presents for my family tomorrow. I will probably spend too much money but I really don't care because I love getting presents for people at Christmas. I think that it would be cool to be like Santa Claus. Especially the living in the North Pole and the red suit with fur trim, except my red suit would be all sparkly.

Peppermint Ice Cream

2005-12-15T20:51:00.000-08:00

I like peppermint ice cream. I also like drumsticks and scooter bars. But I like peppermint ice cream. A little while ago I was thinking that they should make peppermint ice cream all year round, but then I decided that it wouldn't be as special if it was available all the time.

Thanks Jake and Tommy

2005-12-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

I should say "thank you" to Jake and Tommy because they helped me get my car started that one time. I already said "thanks" to their faces, but I should tell everyone the story (even though it happened a while ago) because then you will all realize that they are very nice and helpful, and also why Jake showed me how to do a "reverse 180."

One day my car would not start and I had to go to work. I didn't really know what was wrong with it but I was pretty sure that jumper cables could fix it and so I went to Jake's apartment and knocked on the door. He answered it and I asked if anyone had jumper cables and JonAthan did and so Jake and I went out to start my car because JonAthan was cold or something and didn't want to help even though I drove him somewhere once . . . anyway, we went out to jump my car and we were going to get the jumper cables out of his trunk, but it was frozen shut. So then I was like, "Who else has jumper cables?" and Jake said, "Tommy does." and so we knocked on their door and Tommy was like, "Yeah, I have jumper cables." And sooooo, Tommy got his big ol' truck out and they were getting all ready to jump my car when Jake got in it and started it right up. I was very surprised and a little embarrassed, but too happy to really think about that . . . and I was late for work so I let it go. And also, somewhere in there Jake insisted on showing me a "reverse 180."

The story isn't that exciting, I mean there weren't any car chases, or any really awesome gun fights or sharks fighting alligators, but those guys were pretty nice, so it probably evens out in the end.

If you would like to know something else then you should read on:
- There are Christmas lights hanging around our front window, and I hate them. Well, I shouldn't say "hate them." Instead I should say "I think they look unattractive." This does not mean that I do not like Christmas decorations. I love Christmas decorations . . . just not these. And I like the girls who put them up so I suppose that the lights are beautiful in some metaphorical sense.

Jenn's Fictitious Drinking Problem

2005-12-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

In case any of you do not know. Fictitious means "made up" or something along those lines.

Am I responsible you ask. Yes. Yes I am. Except for one time at Kroger, I saw a guy steal some gum and I wasn't sure what to do so I didn't say anything. He put it in his girlfriend's (and she was way too young for him) coat pocket and she didn't realize it so if they got stopped for shop-lifting then she would be the one who caught it. I wasn't sure if I should have made a citizen's arrest or if I should have yelled "Hey! I saw that!" or what. Who steals a pack of gum anyway? The End.

Kantilever

2005-12-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

Les bought a new playstation game, so I will be busy not studying for finals. Actually, I'm lying. I will be busy studying . . . and writing papers and preparing presentations and going to work and Christmas shopping so I don't want to hear it. I'm sorry but I feel a little sassy right now because it's late and I'm finishing up one of those papers.

Anyhoo, no spectacular news, except that my mom makes wonderful cookies for me because it is Christmas time. Also, I like tinsel. I am a little embarrassed by that. Instead of using it to decorate I like to wear it as a necklace (and sometimes a matching headband).

Oh! Here's some news! Les got accepted into the school of art!! I am very proud of her and I think that everyone who reads this should clap their hands and say, "Yay Leslie!" in honor of her, no matter where they are. Even if you are in an office at a brand-spanking new job, you should still clap and cheer for Leslie.

Also, Les and I are watching "Band of Brothers" constantly. I must just say, I'm the one who got her hooked on it! Muwahahahaha! I spread like a virus! Soon she will be addicted to "Avatar: The Last Airbender" and Kuchen Pie!! And all because of me!!

On another note, I was at my house and I was moving the wine rack and I was very impatient and not using all of my common sense and as I was carrying the wine rack a bottle of wine fell out of it and smashed into a thousand pieces all over the kitchen floor. I was barefoot and the shards of glass cut up my toes and the wine went all over the floor and my dad said, "A whole bottle of wine, wasted!" and the kitchen smelled like wine for about two days. It was not a moment of shining glory. However, it was the dry red and I don't like that kind very much anyway. The End. Now I know that's not the best story and I probably should have kept it to myself but I have to finish my paper so who cares?

Short News

2005-11-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

Finals are rapidly approaching along with several boring and complicated papers. I may not be around for a little while. And by the way, I did not flunk my French exam.

After Thanksgiving

2005-11-28T16:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving, despite the awkward and tension-filled silences, and there was an Avatar marathon so woo-ha! Now it is back to school and getting up really early. Not cool. Also, I just found out today that I have two more weeks of school until Christmas vacation. That was very surprising and a little disconcerting. I have many things to do in a very short amount of time. To keep from panicking I have compiled a list of things to help me avoid the reality of my situation:
1) play Jak 3 with Les nonstop
2) watch Band of Brothers
3) eat ice cream
4) tell some jokes
5) fall asleep

Well, that's a full night of nothing, which leaves no room for silly stuff like papers or critique essays or internship evaluations. Therefore, I had better get to it, but not before I talk about what I would be if I were in a war. If I were in a war I would most definitely be a medic with the para troopers . . . and I would be awesome. Les would be a medic too. Callie would be a general and everyone else would be infantry or privates or whatever except for those few who wanted to be company snipers. All right, I'm choking to death right now so I'd better go find some help.

Is This Pink?

2005-11-21T18:16:00.000-08:00

Do any of you know how good I am at recognizing random people? Because I am awesome at it. Here are some examples:
- I recognized my seventh grade teacher at the theater the other day
- I can recognize Ralph Fiennes without a nose
- I recognized this guy that I had class with at Heartland and he was soooo cool and I didn't say anything because I didn't think he would remember me but then he came up to talk to me and I was so very extemely excited and I told Leslie all about it
- I recognized another former teacher at Target one time

Well, now that I read over that list I find that it is not very impressive and I feel badly about that. Oh well, you can't dwell on those things. I am going to eat dinner now and call my mom and tell her that I do not have to work on Thanksgiving. She will be very excited and she will want to bake my manager a pie because he is doing all the work and that is why I do not have to. Yay for my manager!

I took a huge French exam today and probably flunked it and therefore I feel the need to go do something outrageous, like maybe buy something expensive and completely useless, to make up for it. Probably not though. Recently I have become very responsible with my money. I have even started to balance my check book. Anyway, enough of that riveting conversation . . . I'm going to go do something else.